Why Swarthmore? - my interpretation of the topic based on different personas

Are my ideas okay? Do I need to change somethings stylistically? The essay fits the box, by the way.

Why Swarthmore?
Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular.

The Many Sides of Me

In the grand scheme of things, I applied to Swarthmore because it has done what others have said it has done. As a keen observer, I find it necessary to view closely the details of everything and fully realize what you are seeing. Standing back and viewing Swarthmore as it is, I have one phrase to describe Swarthmore: forward-thinking. I see it all in the little details: how Swarthmore was one of the first co-educational colleges in the nation, how Swarthmore, unlike most small liberal arts colleges, offers a viable opportunity to pursue engineering, how Swarthmore has carried out their Quaker missions perhaps as well as any other college with such a storied history, and how Swarthmore has always been the college to always question the norms of our society. As a student, I want to challenge myself within Swarthmore's culture of rigorous academics and fierce activism. I want to challenge all my predisposed ideas I hold, and to meet new people from all different types of cultural, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds, whether through joining a culture club, competing for a spot in College Bowl team, or simply having a reflective get together at Crum Henge. As a citizen, I am ready to put my knowledge into use and do my part in bettering the community, and places such as the Lang Center will allow me to address the issues in the world that matter to me. I have done extensive volunteering work in my local hospital and as a person, I know that Swarthmore will let me find my way that I am seeking, and that is why I am applying to Swarthmore.

I see a wall of text, and it's a bit intimidating. Can you separate it into two paragraphs at least? Begin it at "As a student".


Do not use "you" in your essay, it's informal.


This is a run-on sentence, and can be separated.


I don't really see how this applies to anything you mentioned before and after this phrase. Are you going to volunteer at Swarthmore too, or around the community of Swarthmore?

This is a nice short essay, and answers the question. Just... in some cases I feel that you're overusing the word "Swarthmore".

Can you like this post please? Thanks.

I am just curious as to if Swarthmore will relate this essay to my Common App essays. The hospital volunteering was my short answer for Common App.

Thanks for the help. I do have a tendency on going on run-on sentences. I will probably also revert back to the two paragraph form I had before.