please anyone's opinions, critiques and grammer corrections will help! Thanks.
Please write a brief statement telling us why you have decided to apply to Swarthmore in particular.
Swarthmore stands out to me the most not only because of its amazing academics, but its strong Quaker background, and close-knit community. With such qualities, I believe I can contribute and fit into Swarthmore most effectively.
I come from Utah where the Latter Day Saints faith plays an important role in the daily lives of many people. I am not LDS, but I share many of their values and morals. A problem I witnessed with Utah's LDS dominance is the community attempts to push the LDS faith on the non-members. Swarthmore, on the other hand, has the Quaker values of truth and equality but does not impose its beliefs on the student body. I see myself at Swarthmore because it has the strong moral background in which will help me pursue a higher education.
The community of Swarthmore is unlike any other. The student body emits radiating vibes of happiness. I believe the happiness is evident in the students because they are accepting of each swattie. Participation in traditional activities such as the chilling race of Crum Regatta, the annual premiere of the Graduate, and insightful cultural show proves to me "clique" factor is not an issue at Swarthmore. I enjoy diversity in the student body, whether it is in the race of the students or the activities they choose to participate in. Swarthmore has the diversity I seek. I would fit in Swarthmore's diversity pool because I am a Palestinian woman who is involved in Debate, Key Club, and Student Government. I hope to continue my Debate career at Swarthmore and join Amos J. Peaslee Debate Society.
At Swarthmore, I plan to study in the humanities and social sciences area. I plan to major in the field of social psychology. The foundations of humanities at Swarthmore would enable me to succeed in my field of study, with the help of its caring professors and its wide range of courses. I plan to participate in the honors program during my junior year for social psychology. Courses such as the prejudice and inter group relations instructed by Etsuko Browne appeal to me the most. The range of these courses will allow me to thrive in an atmosphere that no other institute can match.
With that said, I know I can contribute and fit into Swarthmore effectively because of its strong Quaker background, close-knit community, and strong foundations in humanities.
Overall, your essay is pretty good. It has a strong sense of belonging and participation. I like it very much, but I think there are some little grammartical mistakes you should check.
:)
Thanks for your reply! Can you possibly point out the grammatical mistaks? Thank you.
sorry i can't. I don't believe that my english is any better than yours.
(i'm applying to college as well)
angela
Thanks anyways. Best of luck to you!
can anyone else possibly point out any grammatical errors or any suggestions? thanks
Swarthmore stands out to me the most not only because of its amazing academics, but its strong Quaker background, and close-knit community. With such qualities, I believe I can contribute and fit into Swarthmore most (you can delete this word) effectively.
I come from Utah where the Latter Day Saints faith plays an important role in the daily lives of many people. I am not LDS, but I share many of (you could use some of instead) their values and morals. A problem I witnessed with Utah's LDS dominance is the community attempts to push the LDS faith on the non-members. Swarthmore, on the other hand, has the Quaker values of truth and equality but does not impose its beliefs on the student body. I see myself at Swarthmore because it has the(replace with a) strong moral background in which(delete and use that) will help me pursue a higher education.
The community of Swarthmore is unlike any other. The student body emits radiating vibes of happiness. I believe the happiness is evident in the students because they are accepting of each swattie(swattie's beliefs or views? ) . Participation in traditional activities such as the chilling race of Crum Regatta, the annual premiere of the Graduate, and insightful cultural show proves to me( that the) "clique" factor is not an issue at Swarthmore. I enjoy diversity in the student body, whether it is in(delete) the race of the students or the activities they choose to participate in. Swarthmore has the diversity I seek.
Hope this helps :)
Angel101 thank you so much! I really appreciate it.
Any other critiques are welcome!
A problem I witnessed with Utah's LDS dominance is the community attempts to push the LDS faith onto the non-members.
I see myself at Swarthmore because it has a strong moral background, which will help me pursue a higher education.
I believe that happiness is evident in the students because they are accepting of each other (?)
The range of these courses will allow me to thrive in an atmosphere that no other institute can match.
With that said, I know I can contribute and fit into Swarthmore effectively because of its strong Quaker background, close-knit community, and strong foundations in humanities.
Good luck!
:)
Kevin, thank you so much for your help! You are amazing :)
