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THE SWEET IN THE SWEAT - Common app essay prompt 2.


Chimba 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2018   #1
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success .Recount a time when you faced a challenge, failure or a setback. How did it affect you and what did you learn from the experience

THE SWEET IN THE SWEAT



Stunning was the only word that could come to mind. Those broad sharp edges only lured me to come closer. Every consonant and vowel that spelt out my name emphasized that the pay check belonged to me; I'd never seen anything so heavenly.

When I had completed high school, I was enthusiastic to explore the world and discover what lay beyond those classroom walls that I had been subjected prisoner to for twelve years. One evening, I went up to my mother and asked her for some money to go shopping. "Wankunda how many times do I have to tell you I don't have money!" my mother scolded. That was the last straw and I stormed off to my room. I lay vexed in bed; I'd had enough of taking no for an answer. The sudden need for water to calm my nerves encouraged me to seek a pitcher of water. As I walked to the kitchen, I heard silent sobs. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own as my ears guided me closer to the sob's bearer. As I gained in on the culprit, my pupils spotted a hunched silhouette by the window gazing into the dark night sky, and I stopped in my tracks. When the faint moon light fell on her face, I realized it was mother. I wondered if my tantrum had upset her, and in that moment it dawned on me. With my grandfather's weakening health and my little brother's pending fees, my parents were unable to meet the family's financial needs. I returned to my room with a lump of guilt in my throat instead of water. I knew what I had to do; I decided to take the mature step-look for a job.

Without much of a qualification to tug to my name, the only job I was eligible for was as a casual worker. Finding a job had proven itself a difficult endeavor. The vibrant energy I had started my day with diminished as I walked out each store. My feet burned and somewhat seemed to want to give up on me, and my head throbbed from hearing the monotonous phrase ''Sorry we have no jobs available". "Is this what they must put up with to put a roof over our head?" I questioned for a layer of dust on my black Nikes and extra moisture on my forehead were the only thing I had acquired. I had the profound certainty that the day was going to end as hapless as it had started not knowing fortune was ten steps away. The urge to rest on a nearby bench on a side walk landed me on a jackpot." BEAUTY SPOT SALON LOOKING FOR A YOUNG VIBRANT RECEPTIONIST", the advertisement read; I looked to the heavens and I knew then it was my omen.

I hurriedly copied down the details and the slight hope that had rekindled made the mile walk back home short. I filled in my application letter and submitted it the following day. After a week of suspense, I was called for interviews and I got the job. While my friends went out for parties, I worked hard to cover up my shifts. While they slept in late, I rose early to hustle through the day. I came to see the world for what it really was.

The pay was not much, but I Loved my job because I was able to contribute the little I had to keep us afloat. I learned to work and interact with people much older than me, and I realized that nothing comes easy and often demands a little sweat. The first time I had set me eyes on my pay check I was overwhelmed and proud because every fiber in body had worked hard to get it.

baba1 1 / 2  
Nov 3, 2018   #2
"Is this what THEY(who?) must put up ..."
"... and somewhat seemed (be bold) to want ..." ---My feet burned and wanted to give up on me" "... the little I had (earned) to keep us afloat"

" I came to see the world for what it really was".(You need to elaborate on this. How your perspective changed? 4th paragraph is bit confusing you might want to rewrite)

"... easy and often demands a little sweat"
While my friends went out for parties .While they slept in late, This sentences are almost redundant. You can cross them out.

Overall strong essay, good luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,179 1785  
Nov 3, 2018   #3
Wankunda, you are not really overcoming an obstacle in this essay. I believe that your work is more suited towards the following prompt:

Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

The reason I am suggesting the switch in the prompt is based on several references in your discussion that include:
1. An awakening to the difficulties of your family life and financial restrictions
2. A desire to help overcome the restrictions or assist your parents
3. Actually going out to try and do something about it.
4. Realizing that it is not that easy to find a job.
5.Understanding what your parents have to do for the family
6. Coming to understand the value of money.
7. Coming to the realization that you are not the same as your friends anymore and understanding why that had to happen.

Based on those reasons, you can see why it would be better to change the prompt for the essay. Your whole discussion is about realization rather than overcoming an obstacle. My choice better suits the seven highlights coming from your essay. I hope you consider my suggestion so that you can use the essay in the strongest manner possible for your application essay.


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