When I was 12 years old I saw my future swim coach in action. He was pounding the chest of a kid on our team with his forefinger. I heard him say "I don't have time to list what you did wrong in that race so why don't we start with what you did right...that'll take a lot less time" I was told that day by some of his swimmers that the redder the dot caused by the poking, the worse that person had done. Needless to say, I was both slightly frightened of him and convinced that I would never swim for that man.
However, a little over a year later, there I was, joining the Elite group, his pride and joy. Pete Malone is the Kansas City Blazers and the Kansas City Blazers is Pete Malone. He created the team, watched it blossom from 20 kids in the 70s to over 700 now. He is the general manager, the head coach and a father of three. He has a passion for the sport that comes across as an eccentricity and may take a while to get used to, but once you do, it's inspiring beyond all else. Pete Malone not only taught me how to become a better athlete, he taught me that having a passion for something regardless of what that something is, is what makes life enjoyable, that loving what you do makes any kind of sacrifice worth it.
Pete watches every kind of athletic event he can. He'll watch college football, basketball, professional golf, and even Dancing with the Starts, which he claims he watches for the athletes, but we all think he just enjoys it. Usually, the day after a big game he'll come in with a speech about that sporting event; comparing it to swimming, to us, to the passion displayed by a certain player or the team in general, almost always through the use of unconventional metaphors. He tells us we need to watch these things because we'll learn something about sport and about ourselves. I finally took him up on that a year or so ago and began watching tennis and something about it just struck a chord. I found myself tearing up and getting goose bumps when Roger Federer won his fifteenth grand slam title and set the record. I could see in his face the relief and visceral pleasure as he fell to his knees and kissed the ground, finally having everything he'd worked for come to a point of dramatic excitement. It was then I realized what Pete wanted us to look for. The vision of what is possible to accomplish when you put in the time and dedication.
Pete is kind of coach who will do absolutely anything for his athletes. It's my personal belief that he considers us all to be like his children. He watches out for us, is concerned about our grades and makes it his personal mission to make sure we all find a suitable college that will be a match both athletically and academically. He stays in touch both during and post-college and is there any time of the day for advice and help. He'll write endless amounts of letter s of recommendation for jobs or schools, for kids that swum for him for 5 years or 6 months. He's so very involved in the lives of his athletes and it's amazing to me to see a person so very dedicated.
I've swum for Pete since eighth grade and in that time period I've learned things about him and he has certainly taken plenty of time to learn things about me. Occasionally I think he knows me better even than some of my best friends. He's been known to refer to me as an "emotional midget" during races, which he finds especially clever seeing as I'm 6'2. He can tell almost immediately when something is bothering me. Sometimes he claims he can predict how well I'll do before I even get in, based upon how I'm standing behind the blocks. He figured that I wasn't a big fan of my height and spent a year attempting to make me stand with confidence and power, to be proud, poised and self-assured. The time and effort he has put into getting to know each and every one of us is astounding and I can only hope to one day be able to put that kind of energy into something I love.
Pete's still going strong at almost 60 years old. He makes it to up to 11 practices a week and goes to meets on weekends. He attends college signings, USA swimming meetings, and coaching conventions around the country. He loves what he does more than anything and won't even let a small thing like hip surgery stand in his way. He's an inspiration to anyone with a passion for anything and he lives up to the team slogan of "commitment to excellence". He's been able to teach me, for four to six hours a day, six days a week, more than I think I've learned in all my years of school. He's taught the important things, like how to be dedicated, committed, and how to make time for what you need to do. He taught us how swimming was like driving a racecar, how to drive while writing on a pad of paper, the value of tough love and how to be confident in ourselves. He's been there with us all through thick and thin, through tears and triumphs, through dominating a meet and having the worst meet of our lives. I can only hope that someday I can touch as many lives as he has. Being a swim coach may not be my eventual path in life, but I know that whatever my path ends up being, he'll be there the whole way with support and encouragement, helping me to follow my passions and dreams, and filling me in on Dancing with the Stars all along the way.
If anyone could just suggest a few edits or just tell me if sounds stupid. Wrote it pretty late so I'm sure there's more than a few incoherent or unfocused parts... thanks!
in a nut shell, your essay talks too much about your coach. im proabably sounding like a broekn record or a hacker on this forum saying the same thing, but o wells; im gonna say it again. colleges do want to hear about your coach, but remmeber, it does no good if you just write a killer essay about your coach and write NOTHING about you. if i was adimissions ple,id automatically put you to the no pile, or the maybe pile. if you didnt care enough to tell me about yourself, i shouldnt care enough to consider you, no matter how good your grades are.
it just loses focus in that you dont tell practically anything about yourself and. in fact, i stopped reading b.c. i realized this essay said nothing about YOU lol. fix that then repost.
good luck!
NOPE! dont ever feel like you write too much about yourself. the only time you can write too much about yourself if in an essay about why you want to attend a school. then you have to write 1/3 -50% about the school. you can always post on this forum b.c. there are members like liebe, simone, and noto and llama, that are GREATT. esp. since you may want more than one opinion than just your school counselor and stuff.
but as for this essay, i really do feel its not enough about you. it really is almost like a waaste of an essay. you give it all to you coach you know? lol. use this as an oppourtunity to tell about like one of your competititions! thats a good idea! use each essay to showcase something different. that is a lot of essays :(
liebe, simone, and noto and llama
You forgot Sean :[
in a nut shell, your essay talks too much about your coach. im proabably sounding like a broekn record or a hacker on this forum saying the same thing, but o wells; im gonna say it again.
^It's because many who post on this site take the same incorrect approach.
This school has 5 or 6 short essays and profile questions and I feel like I've been writing about myself way too much
^That's because they want to know you as much as possible. I don't think that colleges would want you to write short essays about yourself and then write a long essay on someone else.
He's taught the important things, like how to be dedicated, committed, and how to make time for what you need to do. He taught us how swimming was like driving a racecar, how to drive while writing on a pad of paper, the value of tough love and how to be confident in ourselves.
^This is a good place to add in examples of what you have learned from him. Cut down on the description of your coach. I like your introduction but big section about the shows that your coach watches does not contribute.
