dougefreshh1 1 / - Dec 30, 2011 #1During my sophomore year of High school I was named Captain of my high school junior varsity swim team. This was a great honor for me and it gave me the opportunity to showcase my leadership ability. Throughout the season, I was able to help the team improve, whether if it was motivating them or showing them how to fix their stroke, they became confident. I felt like we were united as one family. I love competing, to me it doesn't matter whether I win or lose, it is a great feeling when you improve on your best time and set a new personal record because unlike many of the other swimmers, I didn't start swimming competitively at an early age but I am able to compete with them and keep up with them this was because of my strong willingness to work hard, I know in the end the effort will pay off. Every practice I tried to push myself to become faster, in the end I finished in the top 8 of league finals and earned the MVP award. I was proud of myself and I thoroughly enjoyed my experience.
squiggles 1 / 1 Dec 30, 2011 #2For clarification purposes: did this all transpire during your sophomore year? what do you mean by "in the end"- mentioned twice in your essay. colleges might be looking for something more recent."I love competing, to me it doesn't matter whether I win or lose, it is a great feeling when you improve on your best time and set a new personal record because unlike many of the other swimmers, I didn't start swimming competitively at an early age but I am able to compete with them and keep up with them this was because of my strong willingness to work hard, I know in the end the effort will pay off." There is a LOT in this sentence. Try cutting it down into separate ideas that flow more with the rest of the essay.
