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"Swimming has taught me to enjoy success" - Common app. short answer


Faradiah 2 / 6  
Dec 7, 2010   #1
Hi people!
Please look through my essay. Be as critical as you can if necessary, I don't mind it. Any additions, subtractions or ideas are welcome. Please tell me if 178 words is too much. Thanks!

"Last one in the pool is a rotten banana!" I shout as we walk across the school field. We break into a run towards the pool, change and before you know it we are all in the pool shrieking with laughter. I feel the day's burdens slowly seep off my body. They say, 'water cleanses'. Well, that's exactly what swimming does for me. It is where I offload my day's troubles and stress. It is my dumping area, where I cool off. It is where I get cleansed.

Swimming has taught me how to take delight in little successes such as improving my speed by just a second. It has given me endurance and perseverance as I push myself to beat my initial time. My teammates and I have grown to become close friends, even confidants, as we challenge and encourage each other to become better. This is not only in swimming but in everything else that we do. Swimming has helped me develop self-discipline. It continues to help me in my mission to become a better person.
OP Faradiah 2 / 6  
Dec 7, 2010   #2
One more thing, should the short answer essay have a title?
If yes what do you think of these titles: My tension-reliever or my cleanser or stress-reliever
I don't really like these ones. Any other suggestions??
Thanks! again. :)
dlanki - / 24  
Dec 7, 2010   #3
your essay flows well and brings out your swimming passion very well ; however, i think the line in red is unnecessary.

anyways, terrific essay.

i dont know about tittles but i think they are not needed.

Youre such a good writter man, please check out my essays i desperately need your expert opinion.
OP Faradiah 2 / 6  
Dec 7, 2010   #4
Thanks for your help, dlanki. I'll omit the line in red, it sounds better that way. Thank you again.


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