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'System and education of Germany' - Essay for ohio state university


tojusandra2004 /  
Feb 3, 2009   #1
This is my essay for ohio state University.I have to send it by friday,so please help me to improve it and give some suggestions.English is my second language and I think I made a lot of mistakes and I did not state my ideas correctly.

this is the topic:

''While we all take pride in the many accomplishments and opportunities of our own country, we also can benefit from a better understanding of ideas and

practices in other parts of the world''. Select a country and describe a policy, approach, or philosophy that might make that country a model for us to seriously

consider in the United States. What would it take for this idea to work in the U.S.?

Germany is a country in central Europe. The territory of the Germany covers 357,021 squares of kilometers. The population of Germany is estimated to be around 82 million inhabitants. The United States is situated mostly in Central North America. The population of the United States is estimated to be 305,739,000 million of habitants. Both Germany and the United States are powerful and rich countries, but however the United States of America does not possess the resources of Germany. The question is this one: Is Germany set a good example for the United States?

The system of Germany is parliamentary. There is no separation of powers between legislative and executive branches. The prime minister is the head of government and the president is the head of state. In the United States, the power is structured into three different branches: legislative, executive, judicial. They are leaded by elect people. There is also a president who is the commander in chief of the army and command the country. Germany is the largest economic in Europe and the third largest in the world.

In the education of Germany, students are graded on a scale of one to six, one being high and six being very low or failing. Home schooling is not permitted in any of the German states except if a child is suffering from an illness that prevents school attendance. In the United States, students are graded on a scale of one hundred and Home schooling is also allowed to illness students and especially for rich people who want their children away of the real world.

The German health care system has the reputation of being one of the best in the world. There is an extensive network of hospitals and doctors covering even the remotest areas of Germany. Waiting lists for treatment are rare. Medical facilities are equipped with the latest technology and the health insurance provides almost full cover for medicals treatments and medicines. Almost everybody in Germany has access to this system.

In conclusion, the United States is popular for its diversity and its economic growth. The United States is portrayed as a free country where dreams are possible and where there are many opportunities to move on. Nevertheless, the United States has many problems that need to be resolve.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 3, 2009   #2
This is more of a comparison and contrast essay between the U.S. and Germany. You need to focus the essay more in order to fully answer the prompt: "Select a country and describe a policy, approach, or philosophy that might make that country a model for us to seriously

consider in the United States. What would it take for this idea to work in the U.S.?" So, do you think the parlimentary system is better than the U.S. one? Or that the health care system is better in Germany than in the U.S.? Either way, find ONE policy that you think is better in Germany than in the U.S., and explain why, and how the system would have to be adapted to be successful in the U.S., given differences in geography and demographics.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Feb 4, 2009   #3
Germany is a country in central Europe. The territory of the Germany covers 357,021 square kilometers .

The population of the United States is estimated to be 305,739,000 million ofinhabitants .

Both Germany and the United States are powerful and rich countries, but however the United States of America does not possess the resources that Germany does.

The question is this; one: Is Germany setting a good example for the United States?
They are leaded by elected people.

There is also a president who is the commander in chief of the army and commands the country. Germany is the largest economic (economic what?) in Europe and the third largest in the world.

I started to fix some grammar, but you should take Sean's advice first, then re-post and we'll help you.

:)
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 4, 2009   #4
That happens to you too? You start editing something for grammar, then realize there's not much point, since the content has to be rewritten anyway? I make it rule now to always read through for content fixes first, but it is so easy to start picking up on grammar mistakes, especially if there are a lot of them.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Feb 5, 2009   #5
Yes! And I think I have some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder about editing, too.
logitech 3 / 9  
Feb 5, 2009   #6
I understand where you are going with this paragraph below :

Germany is a country in central Europe. [. . .] set a good example for the United States?

BUT, I am sure you can re-write this in a more concise form.

And also you you have not given any information ( which I would not ) about USA but Germany.

I would stay away from numbers and make comparison more short and LESS boring. ( It almost feels like the first part of the paragraph is copied from Wikipedia.)
KeonYe 6 / 17  
Feb 6, 2009   #7
I kinda agree with Logitech about the first part of the first paragraph..
It also does not really go well with the second part..
just my opinion ^^
OP tojusandra2004 /  
Feb 7, 2009   #8
thank you guys,I really appreciate your help

I will try to edit my essay.


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