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From Taiwan to the United States -UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World


abc810221 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2009   #1
Any suggestions, critiques, or comments are greatly appreciated.

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

June 16, 2004: After 13 hours of flight, I arrived on to the other side of the world, from Taiwan to the United States. I was 12 years old and had just graduated from elementary school. Tears burst out my eyes as my parents left after dropped me off at my aunt's house. My aunt, a single parent, had a hectic schedule that forced me to be independent and handle everything on my own. I had to fix my own meals, do my own laundry, wash my own dishes, and even pay my own bills. I had to do all these tasks since there were practically no other choices for me. Back then, my parents always spoiled me-they took care of everything. Life suddenly became so complicated. However, the experiences taught me to be responsible because I realized that at the end, I always have to face the consequences and take the responsibility.

Moving to the United States was my own decision. I knew there were a lot of potential barriers ahead of me. There was not only language barrier, but the obstacle of surviving on my own. Despite the bleakness of the situation, I was inspired by my father to take on the difficult challenge. I held great respect towards my father, not only because he is a great dad and neurosurgeon, but for the journey he went through.

Unlike me, my father grew up in a completely different environment. He was born in an extremely poor family. He had to beg to keep his stomach filled. He experienced great pressure as he devoted himself to his family and profession. My father did not become a neurosurgeon because of the high salary. Instead, he viewed it as an opportunity to save lives and contribute to the world. Despite all the unfortunate experiences he had, my father found a way to success. His unmatched determination to have a better life would not have come without the desperate situations he was in as a child. My father is also someone who never stops learning. In the last four years, he actually went back to school and earned his Ph.D. degree. My dad truly motivated me to never stop learning and gave me more reasons to do my best throughout life.

The life changing experience of moving to the United States and the inspiration from my dad have a significant impact on me. There are plenty of reasons that led to my journey to America. I wanted to be independent and survive on my own. I sought to prepare myself for the real world and society. I wished to interact with people from all backgrounds and expand my vision. I didn't move here only for the American dream and freedom, but beyond all these, I moved here to reach my ultimate aspiration of helping people and contributing to the world. I aim to continue my parents' footsteps to make a difference in this world.
birdslapper 2 / 2  
Nov 25, 2009   #2
I like it
my essay is similar (too similar hate u :) ) because I am currently living by myself while my parents reside in Boston. My parents came from Pakistan and my dad was raised up poor, too alike....

the sentence is awkward where at the end where its like but ,beyond all these, just omit that.
Idk what to say, I feel as if this was a powerful essay that really showed you good enough to turn in
anilverma - / 4  
Nov 25, 2009   #3
Essay is pretty good. But it doesn't picture you as a confident personality. It's like you want sympathy from the US authorities considering your family background. Try to focus more on your abilities in the essay.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 25, 2009   #4
I thought this essay was very nicely written. Although there were some things I want to change, I'm holding back because it flows very nicely..

I didn't move here only for the American dream and freedom, but beyond all these dreams/aspirations/__something about the US , I moved here to reach my ultimate aspiration of helping people and contributing to the world.

I love your writing style. You shows independence and determination.

Mind reading my essay for me ? Thanks
tonythetiger 2 / 14  
Nov 25, 2009   #5
i like your essay.. but i think you should focus more on YOURSELF and your qualities rather than your father. it's important to have him, but not to write about him for 2 paragraphs and almost nothing about you.. the thing is, what are the uc readers going to know about you?? they know nothing and you'll have to explain everything in a nutshell.


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