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'I can't take it anymore I want to quit!' Common App Essay for University of Michigan

hec2019 1 / -  
Oct 16, 2018   #1
I decided to write about my transition from home school to public school but is it too bland? how can I make it more unique and really grab their attention?

realization that sparked personal growth

That's it I can't take it anymore I want to quit!" I stammered half in tears over my seventh-grade math assignment. Pushing through my parents, I ran through the house back to my room where I cried myself to sleep; convincing myself that I will never amount to anything. I regretted my choice to attend public school. My mother told me "once you start there's no going back, are you sure?" and of course I exuberantly exclaimed I wanted to attend public school.

My family moved a great deal when I was young. Once we finally settled into a forever home, I decided to make the biggest decision of my life. I told my mother I wished to attend public school. The night before my first day I had everything set out, my first outfit, my purple messenger bag filled with brand new school supplies, I was ecstatic. When the morning finally came my mother walked me to the middle school we said our goodbyes just before the crosswalk, as I strolled across the street into my new adventure. I knew it was going to be a strenuous day when the crossing guard yelled at me for crossing the street incorrectly.

My first day was terrifying, I had no clue as to what the curriculum contained, there were no familiar faces, I didn't even know how to unlock a simple combination lock. Finally, the dreaded time had finally come, lunch. Meekly walking into the lunch room with my new thirty-one lunch bag, I gazed around the cafeteria. All eyes were on me. I sat with my shadow, Shelby, she introduced me to her friends and they continued about their normal routine of gossip and horseplay. I, being too shy to start a conversation with any other student, opened my lunchable my mother packed me and ate quietly. While the cafeteria was bursting with vitality, I was not.

As the marking period came to an end the students received their report cards. Standing in the kitchen, I nervously opened my report card. My avid expression turned to animosity. To my dismay, I received my first ever C. Prior to public school I was doing math at the sixth-grade level. It was extremely grueling attempting to catch up with my fellow peers. My mother, with a look of disapproval on her face, hung my report card on the fridge saying that I should do better next marking period. I was crushed, I joined public school so I could become my own person and make my mother proud of me.

Ever since I can remember I was always following in my sister's footsteps. We would do everything together; when my sister wanted to ride horses I had to as well, even if I didn't want to. Enrolling in public school was the biggest step in my life. I was so happy yet so nervous I had always been with my sister, I had awful social anxiety making it difficult for me to make friends. Though, after receiving my first C, I realized I wanted to be more than an average student. I tried harder and became an A student. After entering high school it became clear to me that I wanted to do more with my life.

I challenged myself, became more active within my school community, and overall improve myself. I finally realized who I wanted to become. I stopped trying to impress my mother and started doing the activities I was interested in. I have never felt like college was an option for me until I entered high school and realized I could do great things. I never would have pushed myself to become the leader I am today without making the most treacherous decision of my life.

Holt - / 7,609 2001  
Oct 17, 2018   #2
Hannah, the personal growth in this essay is almost an afterthought in the discussion. When you read the essay, you will come to realize that the progression to the period that sparked personal growth should come earlier in the essay. You can establish your homeschooling and C grade in the first paragraph. Then use one paragraph to explain how you felt, then another to depict at what point you came to the realization that home schooling stunted your personal and social growth along with giving you a false sense of your degree of intelligence because you were studying at your own pace when you were homeschooled. Then explain how you came out of your shell based on each aspect I mentioned. That way, a clear and definitive period of personal growth can be created and understood when your essay is read.

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