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"I had to take a physical education class" - does this answer the UC prompt 1?


somelilkid 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2010   #1
should my essay include a title?

Growing up my parents taught me to eat all the food on my plate and to never waste any food. They didn't want me to ever be hungry like them when they where growing up and couldn't afford to buy food. They let me eat pretty much whatever I wanted and took me out to restaurants all the time because when they were young they could have never afforded to go out to eat with their parents. Since both my parent's worked in restaurants, my brother and I would go once a week to my mother's work place to eat. My mother really liked to eat sweet foods and would buy me some all the time.

Every year since middle school I had to take a physical education class. I neglected the class and almost never put any effort into it. The teachers would always talk about how important our health was and I never paid any attention to it. Every time our class had to go for a run, my friends and I would just walk. I realize now that I should have put more effort into the class instead of neglecting it.

I was tired of my friends and family teasing me about my weight on occasions. One day when I was at the doctor's office for an annual check up he told me one thing. He said that I was a little bit over weight and that made me realize something. I couldn't blame others for teasing my about my weight because it was my fault.

During the summer of my freshman year in high school I began to take my health seriously. I started exercising and eating right. I ended up losing over 20 pounds. Nobody teased me about my weight anymore and this really changed me. Some people even asked me what I changed. Some of my family members even asked me for advice to lose weight.

During my sophomore year in high school I took a health education class and this opened my eyes to the field of health care. My teacher taught us all the aspects of the field and why he chose to work in that field. This experience really changed me and has inspired me to pursue a career in the health care field. That experience made me want to change people's live through the power of food.
MHElliott 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2010   #2
The UC prompt #1 talks about "the world you come from". If gives a good idea of your family and a specific lesson you've learned but, perhaps this story might work better to answer the second prompt as an "accomplishment".

Answering the "how you world has shaped your dreams" portion of the prompt it also a little cloudy until the last paragraph. If you still intend on using this to answer the first prompt, you might want to add a little more about how various parts of your example given contributes to you "aspirations".

Hope this helps. Just a few thoughts and opinions.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 16, 2010   #3
I think it is good to use a title whenever possible. It helps the reader to start understanding what you are trying to say.

When I was growing up, my parents taught me to eat all the food on my plate and to never waste any food.

They didn't want me to ever be hungry like them they had been when they where growing up and couldn't afford to buy food.

He said that I was a little bit over weight and that made me realize something. I couldn't blame others for teasing my about my weight because it was my fault.----no, teasing is not your fault. Teasing occurs because people give in to the dark side of the human spirit. It is okay to be a little overweight. Just find time to drink water and exercise every morning. Do that, and eat some fruits and vegetables each day... what else can anyone ask?

...inspired me to pursue a career in the health care field. That experience made me want to change people's live through the power of food.----This is good, but I would like you to name at least 3 to 5 specific goals, specific kinds of therapy you would like to give, and/or specific kinds of patients you would like to work with. Is it just nutrition that interests you, or are you interested in other aspects of health?

:-)


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