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"It takes a village to raise a child," ; Personal Statement for NYU


collegewannabe 1 / -  
Dec 14, 2007   #1
I knew how painful child birth was through watching some baby programs on TLC, but seeing my mother suffer so much after the birth really hit me hard. My mom was in a great deal of pain after she gave birth to my little sister. My mom said it was because of the C-section that she was given. Whatever it was, I felt for her. The nurse came in with the baby girl in a cart-like container, and I remember the family creating a hubbub over how her name would be spelled. They were throwing around ideas in conversational Creole. My mom decisively chose "Christel," and there were no qualms. The unique name fit the way my sister looked. Christel had marble-sized eyes, hued with a coffee brown, and her cheeks were puffed to the shape of tiny Italian meatballs. I knew the family nutmeg skin color would fill in as she grew, and I knew Christel was a part of the family when she came home a few days later.

When they say "It takes a village to raise a child," they really mean that it takes a "city" to raise a child. At least it seems like it. Children need all of the care they can get, including constant monitoring, learning, and unconditional love. But it's a lot more work than people are led to think, and my family has had its fair share of financial troubles. Regardless, we worked through it for her sake. Christel by no means is a perfect child, either. She struggles with homework, fails to do her chores at times, and annoys other family members, as kids often do. However, what Christel has taught me these past few years overshadowed her shortcomings.

I didn't learn how to teach Christel to deal with bullies from a teacher. Nor did I learn how to answer Christel's questions about race from my parents. She helped foster the natural paternal instinct that is inside me. Christel taught me how to treat people with such gentility and kindness, and how to be responsible for my age. That's the exact care a child needs when growing up. However, she helped me realize that we, as more mature human beings, need to treat each other as such. Christel, watching modern war clips on the local news, asked me, "Why do they fight all the time?" Those quiet, pondering questions are the ones that make me admire her so much.

Isn't it funny sometimes how inquisitive kids can be? They ask so many questions, and they want to know about everything they see in the world. Christel, undoubtedly is one of those kids. She isn't afraid to ask those questions that make adults squirm. Christel's simple, free-thinking mind gives me a dose of simplicity every time I need it. As a baby, she's taught me the tiny lessons that we all need to learn as humans, and currently as a quirky eight-year-old student, Christel has taught me to always keep an open mind, and to truly think of the basics of things. Christel is my first true love, and she'll always have an influence on me throughout my life.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Dec 14, 2007   #2
Greetings!

I think you've written a really good essay! You did a good job of following the prompt. I have just a few minor editing suggestions for you:

My mom decisively chose "Christel," and there were no qualms. - In American English, the comma (or period) always goes inside the quotation mark.

I knew the family nutmeg skin color would fill in as she grew,

When they say "It takes a village to raise a child," they really mean

I didn't learn how to teach a child to deal with bullies from my mother.

Christel, watching modern war clips on the local news, asked me, "Why do they fight all the time?" Those quiet, pondering questions are the ones that make me admire her so much.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Dec 15, 2007   #3
Greetings!

I think your revisions is excellent! The only other suggestion I can think of is that you might want to say how old you were when Christel was born, just to give the reader a clearer picture of the dynamics of your relationship.

Very good work! I know you'll do well with your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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