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'taking care of others' - UC prompt #1


photoguy 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2007   #1
1.

Describe the world you come from ï for example, your family, community or school ï and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Taking care of my siblings requires a lot of time and responsibility. I have three cousins that live near me, that attend to elementary school. Every weekend and sometimes during the weekdays, my cousins would come to my house. I would have to look after them until their parents return from work. The house would be filled with kids running around, jumping up and down, and yelling at each other. To them it feels like a party, but to me it feels like I am working in a zoo. It gets really chaotic around my house once they make themselves feels like home. Every minute they would ask me for something. Every hour they would ask for something to eat. I may have to make them sandwiches, eggs, noodles or I would have to order pizza for them.

Concentrating on my school work is difficult for me, because of the noises and distractions my cousins causes. It is hard for me to do my homework or even study. The noises are terrible; people outside can even hear how fun they are having. Even though it is difficult to focus on my work, it became normal and I learned to adapt them slowly. Kids are kids; there is no way of stopping them from having fun. The noises they make around the house will go on until their parents pick them up after work. I manage to finish all my homework and study for my test, while struggling through the noises they cause.

At University College, the peaceful environment would allow me to concentrate better in my school work. I would focus and work better at school and continue my education to be a pharmacist in the future.

The experiences of taking care of my cousins allow me to be more responsible and work through any obstacle that might stop me from working. When my cousins are sick and the medicine they take does not work well, it worries me. I like to see how happy they are when they are having fun. When they are sick and unhappy, I would feel sad. By studying medicine and having a better knowledge of it I can help my cousin from finding the correct medicine for them, so they can be happy and play again.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Nov 30, 2007   #2
Greetings!

You've written a good essay! I have just a few suggestions for you:

I have three cousins that live near me, that attend [delete "to"] elementary school.

It gets really chaotic around my house once they make themselves at home.

I might have to make them sandwiches, eggs, or noodles, or order pizza for them.

Concentrating on my school work is difficult for me, because of the noises and distractions my cousins cause. - Just a suggestion, but you might want to say "is a challenge for me" instead of "is difficult." It has a more positive tone.

The noise level is terrible; people outside can even hear how much fun they are having.

Even though it was difficult at first to focus on my work, it became normal and I slowly learned to adapt.

When they are sick and unhappy, I [delete would] feel sad.

I can help my cousins find the correct medicine for them, so they can be happy and play again.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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