Hey, Look first thing.... Is there a word restriction in this essay.
If no, there is too little of matter here. Nothing impressive in the essay.
Just do one thing tell us the word restriction and then I'll give a proper feedback. Otherwise, its like aiming in the dark.
I'll keep in touch... post up the word restriction as soon as possible.
Alright, assuming there is no word restriction or we have 700 to 1000 words. This is a very poor attempt.
Every essay has a introduction, a body and a conclusion. It seems you are throwing chunks of plots at us.
How did you learn about Colorado College?
Talk about the major here.... some research in that major that college is working on and then link yourself to it. It shows you took pains to read the college website. Seriously, that's a better way to show love for the college then just by empty words.
The reason you're saying for applying to Colorado is babyish. I mean, just because you don't have to handle many subjects at the same time means you're afraid of workload. I maybe blunt and you may not be what I am saying but what I am saying is writing is showing us this character.
Compare somebody who wants to join the college to be a part of some great aspect of the university not because he wants to avoid workload.
I especially value the attention and personal interactions between me and my professors, since this will help me grow as a student,
How can you say that without attending the college. Look the college does not pat in the back from the students. They want to know HOW YOU CAN CONTRIBUTE?
In addition, the 3-2 engineering program will allow me to have the liberal arts experience at Colorado College, without compromising my career aspirations.
Didn't get it! I mean how does career aspiration enter here?
Is this the conclusion line?
An admission essay needs to impress the fact you are an ideal choice for the college. An admission essay does not need to impress the fact that the college is an ideal choice for you. That is already understood because you are applying to the college that the college is your choice. So, show that you are unique and that you are an ideal person for this admission. This should be the theme for "why do you wish to attend this college?"
Hope this helps.... :)