If you dont feel like analyzing both essays, I'd really appreciate comments on the 2nd one! I couldn't figure out how to word the conclusion.. Grammatical revisions are appreciated also. Thanks!
Prompt: revealing letter to roommate
Dear Rommie,
I can't wait to meet you! When do you think you're going to get to campus? I still haven't figured out all of my traveling plans. I'm from Chicago, so Stanford is a pretty far trip.
Personally, I would love to take the train. It would be an adventure - just hop on the Amtrak and sightsee for three days. There's so much to see on the California Zephyr route! The train passes through sceneries like the Rockies and the Sierra Nevadas. I get a kick out of stuff like that. I've always liked traveling, ever since I was little. My dad used to have to travel a lot for his job, and sometimes he would bring the family along. I've been lucky enough to experience everything from Virginia Beach to Seattle's Space Needle. There's just something about exploring a new place. You're learning from your surroundings, while your surroundings are being changed by your presence. Since college is all about learning and exploring, I think a train ride would be the perfect prelude to a new life at Stanford.
My family wants to fly to California because it's quicker and easier. I, on the other hand, never have good experiences at the airport. Don't get me wrong; I love being at O'Hare Airport. I love people-watching and seeing the airplanes come and go. This mentality causes problems, however, when you have a terminal to reach and belongings to keep track of. A couple of years ago, I almost forgot my suitcase in the airport! That doesn't even start to cover the problems I have once we actually get on the plane. Ever since a bad childhood experience with turbulence, I always get super anxious at the beginning of a flight. In retrospect, it's probably comical to watch me handle a plane's take-off. To distract myself on a plane ride to New York City, I recited all of the gas laws to my mom. I avoided a nervous breakdown and she got a chemistry review - win-win situation.
I guess no matter which way we decide to travel, it'll be an interesting experience. Well, see you soon!
Prompt: Experience that led to intellectual growth
My love for learning - specifically regarding engineering - was strengthened when I participated in the Packer Engineering Internship. Every year, the top physics students from high schools in the area apply to partake in this nine-week, paid internship. For six hours a week, around twenty interns were immersed in a science-based, hands-on learning environment. The first week, we created and shared presentations on all of the engineering disciplines. For the rest of our internship, we participated in group projects to further explore these disciplines.
Our supervisors selected our partners, because we weren't allowed to work with our schoolmates or anyone else we had previously collaborated with. I now appreciate this stipulation, because it forced me to strengthen my teamwork skills. We were faced with tasks such as designing and building durable model bridges, crashworthy model cars, and efficient wind turbines. Our use of the Packer Engineering facilities gave me exposure to different equipment, like Baldwin testing machines and scanning electron microscopes. We also listened to seminars given by Packer staff members, which taught us about the science behind subjects like structural engineering and auto safety.
Before the internship, I thought of engineers solely as creators of technology, structures, etc. While the Packer Engineering staff does fit that description, they are also investigators. Packer Engineering has handled projects involving everything from equipment malfunctions to arson fires. Exposure to these types of investigations has opened my eyes to a whole new realm of engineering; it has helped me see that engineering isn't all black and white. I now realize that engineering skills can be applied to all areas of life.
with regards to the second essay, you might consider elaborating on why this internship was so important to you, like how it provided you with the tools to let you creativity flow.
maybe expand on what it was like working with a new partner and the teamwork involved.
i also think this sentence at the end, "Packer Engineering has handled projects involving everything from equipment malfunctions to arson fires." is somewhat random. i can see how you were giving examples of the different types of projects but perhaps make it flow a bit better?
if you have time, please comment on my essays!
for the second essay, you could also be more specific about how the skills can be applied to all areas of life, and talk about how it is important to you as an intellectual.
