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"My talent is communication" - Rutgers College


kamalepatel 1 / -  
Dec 17, 2010   #1
Topic: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Life can be entertaining but without challenges to face it becomes boring. When I think about going to Rutgers University, a vibrant community, I am filled, not with fear, but with a rising tide of excitement. I look forward to living day in and day out with peers who are all in pursuit of success and academic achievements. I will rise to the challenge and contribute to the environment.

My life started to get exciting when I came to the United States to achieve the American dream that my parents and I had longed for. My father taught me how to write numbers before I even started walking. He always told me to accept new challenges. When I came to Untied States, I faced numerous challenges, but the difficult part was learning the language. After four years of school and two years of summer school, I confronted the challenge of learning how to write and read in English. It made my communication with other kids and teachers more fun and useful.

Freshman year of my high school, I joined the chess club without any knowledge of chess. After a few months I learned how to play chess from fellow members of the club, which made me think that I can pass on the knowledge of chess and indeed, I did teach chess to my best friend, who is now an excellent opponent. Education is knowledge that is infinite and it keeps going in cycle. I am always looking forward to teaching someone what I learned and getting other people involved and sharing the knowledge.

My talent is communication; communication is the flow of information and ideas from one individual to another. Bad communication causes problems in organizations and can cause a good plan to fail. I have been a baseball player for two years and will continue to play in my senior year. Baseball or any other game requires communication and when there is lack of communication, not only does it make you lose a game but it causes the whole team to lose.

At Rutgers University, I am excited about the conversations and information that I will receive not only in class, but also outside; I am also looking forward to having the ability to choose and specialize my educational pursuits and goals. My leadership skills and my drive to learn and teach will benefit both myself and those around me. Someday I hope to be a computer engineer and to have the ability to pass on what I have learned in the future to others with same academic major. Every time you get out of bed and start a new day, you are giving yourself a new opportunity for experience and learning and I hope to have a great opportunity from the best university I know of: Rutgers.
KATaylor 1 / 4  
Dec 18, 2010   #2
United States! Not Untied! :S

Otherwise, it flows quite well :) The last sentence, if it's true, is great :) (Just, don't say it and then apply to Harvard or something :P)

Anyway, the only change that I might really suggest - because it sounds like a structured and coherant essay - would be to make it a little bit more focused on Rutgers. However, I think you show why you care about community and what you might give back very well.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 28, 2010   #3
I can add 'had' to make this sentence a little nicer:
After a few months I had learned how to play chess from fellow members of the club, which made me think ...

This is written in a very eloquent way, but I think "challenge" is too broad as a theme. Really, it is a good essay, so do not take my criticism too seriously, but I want to mention that "communication" should probably be mentioned in that first paragraph. Look for a way to unite the themes of 'challenge' and 'communication.'

This part seems very disorganized:
My talent is communication; communication is the flow of information and ideas from one individual to another. Bad communication causes problems in organizations and can cause a good plan to fail. I have been a baseball player for two years and will continue to play in my senior year.---You made a statement about communication being your talent, then you defined the word, and then you gave a sentence about baseball. I know that the point is to talk about baseball requiring communication, but the paragraph seems very disorganized. Is it necessary to define the word? If you define it, the sentence that follows the definition should show why it was necessary to define it for the reader.

:-)


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