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"to talk about an issue I concern" (Wallstreet) - UT TOPIC B


ZoeL14 3 / 4  
Nov 29, 2008   #1
This is an essay I wrote for UT, the topic is to talk about an issue I concern. Please proof read it for me. Can anyone tell me if I'm off topic, or how I can improve it ? please help me with structure, and grammar

Wall Street was a legendary place. It used to be a visionary paradise for every business professionals. But today, sweet dream turned into a nightmare. Nowadays if you see someone who is walking down the Wall Street with a huge box in his arms, apodictically he is probably an unfortunate former employee just received his dismissal. According to the reports, since the economic crisis broke out in September, more than 20% of employees had lost their jobs on Wall Street. I believe the data will continue to expand. This disaster has affected the U.S. economy, now is expanding globally.

This year's college graduates were not born at a lucky time period. During periods of economic prosperity, college graduates could easily get two or three job offers even before they graduate from college. But the nation's economy is in its recession, this year's college graduates are facing a job market which is not very optimistic. So far, only 65% of last year's college graduates had found a job, for the remaining 35 percent, either they are still looking for opportunities, or they are planning to pursue an advanced degree.

Actually I was unconcerned about the explosion of the financial crisis, after all, I'm only an average person, granted that I'm affected it wouldn't make a huge difference. It can probably make me to go shopping once a month instead of twice a month, and to replace luxuries with inexpensive articles at most. But as I heard more and more about it, my crisis awareness had been aroused. Due to the economic downturn, for most companies, the number of employees is being whittled down in order to reduce costs, even if they are employees with master's degrees. College graduates are now suffering from the reduction of staff and the decreasing in job offers. After hearing these, I started considering about my future in a different way. Mainly I need to consider about what I'm really expecting for my future, what kind of college will suit me the most, what majors will help me to succeed later on, and the practicability of my majors. Although there isn't a big difference on living cost, my parent still can't afford the tuition for those private colleges, especially the scholarships amounts are reducing distinctly. In such a case, my standard for a good college is to have a fairly charged tuition. Second of all, the majors I would pick must be highly practical and pragmatic. Two years ago, I wanted to study economy and finance, but I found these two majors are quite abstract and idealistic compare with other majors. I noticed most people get laid off are those without professional skills, people who normally stay are always working for a vital department inside a company. Now when I'm considering about a major, I'm considering not only my interests, but also their technicalities, now I could narrow down my choices to a decision between Management Information System, accounting and Architectural Engineering.

In addition to college decisions, as an immigrant, the crisis leads to another question which is to decide whether or not to move back to my motherland, since I have heard many people I know are going back after their graduations. It is not a problem that's really bothering me, because I don't have to make a decision until I really I have to.

Even though most companies are not hiring new employees, unemployment rate is constantly going up, I wouldn't excessively worry about my future career, since I believe the University of Texas at Austin will train me well, I would be able to find a job that I like.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2008   #2
The nation's economy is in a recession, this year's college graduates face a job market that is not very promising . So far, only 65% of last year's college graduates had found jobs , and the remaining 35% are either still looking for opportunities, or they are planning to pursue an advanced degrees.

I revised the above passage slightly, because it needed some help, but I also think that the very last phrase is unnecessary. You can revise this way:

The nation's economy is in a recession, this year's college graduates face a job market that is not very promising . So far, only 65% of last year's college graduates had found jobs .

Good luck!!

Kevin


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