Hey guys.
Check out this essay. Please comment on content and grammar generally, but there's two things that I would like specific help in addition to other issues you may find.
1) Is the conclusion okay or do I need something more? I left it at that, because I'm already over the limit.
2) I'm at about 1975 characters and the limit is 1800, so while you critique, can you point out possible ways to cut out 175 characters?
Thanks a bunch!
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Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
Dear Roomie,
As a tall, lanky Indian boy, I am very easy to stereotype, but my peers always quickly discover that I have my peculiarities, highlighted by what I love to do.
In my opinion, thinking is much underrated. Sitting and thinking is not idle time, but rather time well spent. This is not limited to science or even academics. You may often find me staring out a window, lost in my own thoughts, pondering anything from music to game theory. I treasure the simple encounters that lead to steamy discussions or new ideas. I read voraciously, but good reading, I believe, should be an active mental process. I can never turn down a challenge, especially one that exercises my mind. Combined with my uncanny patience and ability to concentrate, I often lose myself working on puzzles. In fact, I once sat in a corner with a Rubik's Cube for six hours continuously before I finally solved it.
Unusual to the studious Indian stereotype, I love sports. There is hardly a sport out there that I don't like, though team sports top the list. The human interaction and complex strategy involved in playing as a team add a new dimension to team sports. Granted I'm not the most athletic person, but I find competition exhilarating, whether that means playing sports, watching sports, or debating sports. Despite my competitive nature, I value much more than winning. I am very passionate and loyal to the teams and players of whom I am a fan, just as I am with my friends.
Overall, I am a very happy person. Even though I have faced hardship and failure, recently I've learned to look at the bright side of the world. It takes an immeasurable amount of stress to perturb me. No wonder I thrive in high-pressure situations. One of my eccentricities is that I randomly point patterns and designs in nature. Maybe it's because I truly find palindromes pleasing. Maybe it's due to my synesthesia. Whatever it is, I have really learned to find beauty in the world around me.
As a tall, lanky Indian boy, I am very easy to stereotype, but my peers always quickly discover that I have my peculiaritiesthat are highlighted by what I love to do.
It? is not limited to science or even academics.
There is hardly a sport out there that I don't like, though team sports top the list.
--though it does give the idea that you're a team player, it doesn't really connect well to the preceding idea.
Despite my competitive nature, I value much more than winning . value what?
Just take my changes as suggestions. Good luck
I think the conclusion does need a little more. Maybe take some out of the paragraph about sports so you have a little more room to expand on your last idea about finding beauty in the world around you.
I have faced hardship and failure
Maybe be a little more specific. What hardships and failure?
I hope this helps, overall its a really good essay though! Good luck!
I like you already!
I think the second paragraph may be unnecessary. Maybe if you highlighted why being competitive is important to you it would help. And I agree, the conclusion could be a bit more specific. The third paragraph is the one I find most insightful so maybe work on that one.
That's all and good luck!
Can I also get suggestions on this essay? I specifically need comments about whether the content appropriately answers the question. Do I need to talk more about myself? Also, suggestions on how to make it shorter would be appreciated at well. I believe it is about 200 characters too long, though this is a lower priority.
Thanks!
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Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
I have always been pioneer. In fact, in 5th grade, a founded my own community. It started an arduous journey into the woods behind my elementary school during recess. After days of exploration and the recruitment of fellow frontiersmen, we began to form our settlements. We created little covered spaces as homes and began to farm the land. We adopted the acorn as our form of currency, leading to the development of an extensive trade network of land, braches of favorable size and shape, food, and rare forest artifacts. I even started my own lottery business based on flawless math and economics.
In my mind, there is no college that embodies this pioneering spirit and enterprising attitude like Stanford. Academically, Stanford is always paving a new road, exploring new fields of study. At Stanford, I can pursue a degree in an interdisciplinary study, which combines the traditional fields of study into something totally new. I can even choose to double major or write an honors thesis. However, even in pursuing one of the more common majors, like engineering, economics, or physics, Stanford provides a new attitude, a new approach to learning. The Founding Grant of Stanford states that the object of the university is to not only to provide a high quality knowledge base to their students, but to also make the knowledge attain directly useful in life. No where else are there so many opportunities to apply what I learn. With such a large sum of money dedicated solely to undergraduate research and such unique facilities as the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center, I can participate in exciting new research applications of science. It is also possible to work with the Haas Center for Public Service to formulate a larger project employing some field of science towards benefiting humanity directly. Stanford, finally, allows for intellectual freedom. The possibilities are endless. I know that no matter which major I choose, Stanford will expose me to new frontiers and provide me with the necessary knowledge and experience to explore them.
