This is my second draft of prompt 2 of the UC personal statement.
I would really love some help with this. Any type of criticism is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!
UC Personal Statement #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
If asked a year ago what my favorite type of heel was, 'none' would be an automatic response. After all, why wear heels when you're six feet tall?
I recently attended church and was in the bathroom with water from the sink running down my hands when a female church member came in and looked at me closely. "You're so tall. You don't need to wear heels," she stated. I stared at the woman for a minute and expected to feel a burst of sadness at the experiences that jumped to my mind at the remark, but was surprised when none arose. I found myself looking at the woman with a smile on my face and replying, "I know, but I do anyway."
"You don't need to wear heels" was a statement I had made myself believe in the past. A statement that was confirmed by the numerous amount of people who told me the same thing. At age twelve, I was five feet and nine inches, at age fourteen, I had grown to five feet and ten inches, and at age sixteen, I was just about six feet tall. Eyes followed me wherever I went and the whispers seemed to never cease. "She's so tall..." "I thought she was wearing heels..." "...how long can a person's legs get?" "...and I thought I was tall..." To say I was insecure about my height would be an understatement.
During a church service one Sunday, I sat next to a woman who was several inches taller than I, heels included. After the service, I inquired about her height and she told me she was six feet and two inches. My mouth dropped at the response and I asked her if she felt weird when she put on those heels. She smiled at me and answered, "Why should I? I don't have any reason to." And neither should you, her eyes seemed to say. I was stunned. I, who was just six feet tall, had refrained from putting on heels because I thought I was too tall, but this woman, who was clearly taller than I had not done the same. She had embraced and accepted who she was, something I had yet to do. On a trip to the clothing store one weekend, I dared myself to step into the shoes section and was surprised at the feeling of longing that filled me. I found myself reaching tentatively towards some of the shoes and my hands landed on a pair of simple black pumps with three-inch heels. I later tried them on and got a smile and look of approval from my mother. I thought of the woman who was inches taller than me and bought my first pair of heels that day.
I see the way people look at me when I walk into a room with and without heels. I still hear the whispers but now I tune them out. I pay attention to the compliments rather than the insults, and I wear my heels with pride. I don't wear heels because of the need to feel taller or gain dominance over anyone. I wear heels because they remind me that just because someone says you can't do something doesn't mean you can't. I wear heels because it makes me appreciate who I am and what I represent.
A young girl once asked me what my favorite type of heel was. "Wedges," I told her. "Why? Because they provide balance and support for the legs and are very reliable." She asked me why I wore heels since I was so tall. Instead of telling her the story of how I used to be self-conscious of my height, I told her the story of another girl similar to me. A girl who abstained from doing what she wanted because she was afraid of what people would think, but when she finally let go of that fear, she slowly started to find and accept herself for who she was. The little girl told me she wanted to be like that girl and I told her she could.
I really like this essay. This is a great example of showing your uniqueness. As I have a sister that is 6'3", I really connected with this essay. It was almost as if I were a fly on the wall watching your time at Church. Really well done job here! - Admissions Advice Online
