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"Taming The Electronic Beast" -- Experience, Achievement Common Application


vchera /  
Nov 24, 2010   #1
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. Final question below --->

"Hey, everything on the motherboard and processor seems to be turning on, so what could be the problem?"
My brother and I were struggling to build our very first computer this summer. We had scrutinized every single step and followed everything by the book, but something wasn't right.

"You think we should give up?" my younger brother asked.
"I'm just about ready to give up here. This is incredibly frustrating and our attempts to fix it have failed."
Instead of calling the company listed on the motherboard, I was arrogant enough to tamper with the video card I had installed. Much to my dismay and ignorance, I saw a spark that made my heart jump.

"I hope I didn't destroy any parts inside...damn it." I quickly called ASUS and had them do an over the phone diagnosis, but they weren't able to find anything. The customer care representative told me to pack everything and ship it back. That statement irritated me and made my heart sink, the enthusiasm that I had in the beginning was reduced to nothing. I looked at that piece of junk and had a sudden desire to break everything my brother and I worked on. I stared at the unfinished computer, kept pressing the power button, and hoped something would pop up on the monitor. I was tired, tired of hoping, tired of failing, and tired of seeing the entire process going wrong the first time. Before I could get even more frustrated, my mother came into the room and offered her heartwarming advice during this time of irritation. Yet at the same time, I couldn't help but walk away from this match feeling defeated by an enemy that was physically nonexistent. The computer parts assumed the form of an enemy and laughed hysterically at my inability to finish the project. I vowed to put an end to the misery I was going through.

That following morning, we were once again diagnosing the issue with nothing more to find out. The answer was right under our nose. The cable that attached the video card and the monitor wasn't working. Hoping it was the answer to our misery, I ran as fast as I could to the nearby Staples and purchased a new cable. The cable was installed and we stood there together, with our hearts beating and head aching, seeing all of the lights flashing and the sounds beeping. Suddenly, there was a visible image on the ancient monitor we were using. "We did it!" My brother exclaimed. I felt a sense of accomplishment and victory; we had defeated the beast. My frown, wrinkles on the forehead, and the sweat on my hands disappeared. The computer was alive, it was breathing. It no longer posed a threat to my sleep. The maniacal laughing in the background melted away and I heard a round of applause from my mother.

My brother and I tamed the monster that destroyed our morale and dignity. It no longer posed a threat to anyone. Now that we look back it, we felt so naïve to ignore such a small component in the hardware. Who knew that the biggest beast we had to face stemmed from our own flaws? Together, my brother and I learned from our mistakes and sought to achieve a greater understanding of the technology in our house. It seemed like something as small as the process of building a computer proved to be a worthy challenge and trial for me.

I asked a couple of my friends to offer their thoughts on this essay and they told me it was a terrible essay to show off my personality. What do you guys think? Should I write another essay or stick with what I have?
amazingA 8 / 35  
Nov 26, 2010   #2
it certainly shows your ability to create a sense of suspense and climax...however, while i could know what type of person you are, an enthusiastic with never-to-give-up attitude, i could not see how that event had an impact on you and your personality

perhaps you need to add some more paragraphs explaining why this is a significant event and what its impact is on you
OP vchera /  
Nov 27, 2010   #3
Thank you very much for your response! I appreciate the feedback. :)

I've been looking back at this essay, and I've decided to scrap for a new idea. I can see why you're saying it doesn't say anything about me; it's so enigmatic regarding my character. Thanks once again.


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