Since I was born, I thought I was the youngest in my family. I was always being
take care by my family. They give me all of their attentions. But when I was eleven years old, everything had change, because my mother was giving birth to my little brother. I remembered on that day, I was at home watching movie with my cousins. Suddenly I heard my aunt talking with my dad on the phone. Then all I heard was my aunt screaming, my little brother was born. Everyone in the family was very happy. Except me, I felt lonely and sad; because they were all talking about my little brother, seems like I was invisible.
At noon my dad come home, he took me with him to the hospital, to visit my mother. When we enter the room, it was full people; because my mother was sharing a room with others ladies who's just gave birth to their children. Then my dad left me there with my mothers, he had to go back to work. Suddenly I heard my little brother was crying, my mother try to sit up to soothed the baby. But she still weak, she can't get up. I just stood there and don't know what to do ,suddenly there's a kid come over and give me a hand; I guess he was the same as my age but he was expert than me on carrying baby. He carried my brother in his hands, my brother stop crying and then he give my baby brother back to my mother. My mom told me is Tan, he was one year's older than me. His mother just gave birth to his two little sisters; Tan was the one who help his mother to take care for them. He can comforted the two girls by himself , changing the diapers , and make milk for them, he can do it the whole day without being tired.
At night ,he and I sat beside the cradle , watching the baby sleep, I saw him touching his two little sister forehead; His face was full of love and joy. His mother opened her eyes .smiling " It's so hard for you , when I have two more kids " he shook his head ,he smile with the happiness , I look at him , suddenly ,I felt bad and how selfish do I am. Then he look at me, Tan could read my emotions. He knows that I wasn't very happy by having a little brother. Tan told me that having a new member in the family was a blessing. I should learn how to sharing love and being independent so that I could help my mothers to take care of my brothers. Tan told me that being an older brother was very cool.
After three day , doctor allow my mother and my brother go back home , I said goodbye to Tan , he took our stuff to my car , we talk over and over how to take care my brother, we talk over until the car run away .Suddenly I realize I don't have address or phone number of him , I felt so bad about that. Until we go back home ,my mom told me about Tan , He's just adopted child in the family; his parents thought that they couldn't have children at that time. When I heard that I can't believe how noble Tan is. I want to be like him; so I start to being independent, I took care of my brother and not letting my family to be worried about me.
Be careful about verb tense. if I were you I would revise my essay and rewite it with correct forms of verb
I was always being taken care
They ga ve me all of theira lot of attentions
I rememberedremember on that day
At noon my dad comecame home, he took me with himself to the hospital
When we entered the room, it was full of people
my mother trytried to sit upto soothedfor soothing the baby. But she was still weak, she can'tcould not get up
But when I was eleven years old, everything had change, because my mother was giving gave birth to my little brother.
--> Here, be careful how you say somethings. The sentence you wrote made it sound as if your mother was giving birth to your brother during that entire time. I re-wrote it for you.
I agree with Ana, above, when she recommends that you be careful with the verbs. There are also some other areas -- such as the use of the articles, as described below:
I was at home watching a movie with my cousins
-->the articles, like "a," and "the," need to be placed before the nouns.
I would most certainly re-work the essay, and be careful of the two areas that are already described for you.
--Mark
