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*Tap Tap* that's what I hear when I'm clattering away at my computer; College Ess


ayu0006 8 / 17 2  
Dec 24, 2012   #1
*Tap Tap* that's what I hear when I'm clattering away at my computer. *Tap Tap*. But as I sit here typing this essay my writing means much more than that. It takes me back to a time in elementary and middle school when I was academically disinclined, belligerent, a gremlin. I was a walking recipe for disaster. I see myself derailing classes. I see teachers looking at me disapprovingly and smacking their foreheads with frustration. I see my parents castigating me for my below-par report card grades. I see myself grow physically but remain mentally stagnant. I was going nowhere.

High school loomed. I was rapidly growing pest about to enter the School of the Future. "Heh, is this some kind of joke?" I asked myself when I considered the schools odd name. Glancing at my peers, I judged them. They were nerdy and geeky, I was cool. They were weird while I was normal and superior. My perceptions were abruptly challenged when I observed my classmates, who excelled me in every way: in their passion for their work, in their behavior, in their self-sufficiency. My arrogance soon diminished. But a subtle hand took ahold of me and slowly and voluntary I allow myself to follow where the hand guided me. Slowly I underwent a necessary transformation. I saw the beauty and vitality of learning. I marveled when I learned that air particles were floating around at this moment, beating against every fiber in my body. Or the vast correlation calculus, a seemingly huge glob of variables and numbers, had to numerous professional fields. I became humble and constraint any urge to brag whenever an achievement was accomplished. I critiqued my peers work on occasions but did not devalue it.

My high school was my savior. I was relieved. The twist and turn of events, the daunting epiphanies managed to sway me away from what I would have been had I gone down the same path. But it was my school and the inner mechanisms; the students, teachers, environment; the whole collective dynamic that prevented me from digging my hole. I realize these weren't the people I should loathe but rather embrace, emulate, strive and help. This was where my niche was and for this and solely this I will be eternally grateful and forever be in their debt. My biggest fears were to be saved for another chapter in college and with the undeniable substantial lift up, I bear no despondency.

black and white 7 / 30 6  
Dec 24, 2012   #2
Dear Andy,
But a subtle hand took ahold of me and slowly and voluntary I allow myself to follow where the hand guided me. Slowly I underwent a necessary transformation .

In the first sentence it should be ....slowly and voluntarily, I allow myself to follow... In the second sentence, there should be a comma after the word 'slowly'.

Apart from these minor errors, the essay is very good. I like your writing style and vocabulary.
Hope my suggestions are found useful.
Could you please go through my essay?
OP ayu0006 8 / 17 2  
Dec 24, 2012   #3
sure lemme gather myself on the common app first =)
ann_marie 1 / 4 2  
Dec 25, 2012   #4
This is really well written. I like the writing style and the way it flows. The only thing is where it says [font#Fwhen i observed my classmates, who excelled me in every way...F0000] the "excelled me" part sounds a little strange; although I like the wordong and I'm not sure what you would use in place of it.

Please go and like my thread titled "Music is the Ibfluence" its past due, so you don't need to read or revise it or anything. I want to delete it, but I have to get 3 likes in 3 days, so could you please like it?
hongyen2192 - / 13  
Dec 25, 2012   #5
this sounds great. I enjoy when reading yours :)
br2pi5 10 / 70  
Dec 25, 2012   #6
It's very easy to read and conveys your message perfectly. Great! :)


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