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I was always taught to write what I know and put my experiences in a way others could relate to


disaacs38 1 / 1  
Feb 18, 2015   #1
Texas A&M Transfer Essay

-The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.

I was always taught to write what I know and put my experiences in a way others could relate to. So what I've always known is that I wanted career that would put me in a place where I would have the ability save those who couldn't save themselves. Though it wasn't until two summers ago that an unforgettable experience solidified my reason to pursue a career in veterinary medicine.

It's been said that there is a calm before a storm, in other words a day feels just like any other before everything goes awry. That saying couldn't have been truer for me in the summer before my senior year. I remember June 23, 2013 like it was yesterday. It was a hot, sunny, clear blue sky day that I spent in bed due to a bad cold. After being in bed for most of the day, the sun was now setting and was time to let my dog out like always. But when I started calling for her and expecting her to run towards me I found her curled up in her carrier. I knew then that something was wrong. This was a dog that even with her age would be running around but was now curled up with pain in her eyes. My gut told me that she'd had to be taken to the vet and it wasn't going to be good. I stayed home to look after my younger brother when I got a call from my father. He told me it was hemangiosarcoma, cancer of the liver and spleen and she wasn't coming home. There I realized the "storm" had hit. I was driven to the vet to say my final goodbyes and when I got there I saw my father in tears, something I've never seen considering he is a tough person that doesn't let anything affect him. That night I made a promise to myself, to not only do what I can to study veterinary medicine but to also make my father proud.

After her passing I began interning at a local veterinary hospital where I learned the basics of animal care and most of all learned how comfortable I was in scrubs being surrounding by people who shared the same passion as I did.

I'm not done with this transfer essay but this is what I have so far so please help me make this better.
karchkarch 1 / 4 1  
Feb 18, 2015   #2
Hi, I'm new to this essay forum and I haven't learn the ropes yet and i just wanted to give you a tip: you should put an interesting first sentence that is able to captivate the readers attention. I see that you have an interesting back story and i think the essay will be better if you could put an engaging first sentence.

wish you the very best and good luck.
OP disaacs38 1 / 1  
Feb 18, 2015   #3
thanks! I was never good at coming up with a good capturing sentence. what would you suggest ?
karchkarch 1 / 4 1  
Feb 18, 2015   #4
as far as i know, you can put a powerful quote (from an important figure) that relates to the essay and support your case, be controversial and make a bold statement, or add an open question on the first sentence.

I can't give an example for now as I am a student too and I'm afraid that I might give you a wrong solution to your problem.


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