[Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.]
"Goodbye, Torrance." I waved as the blue and orange taxi drove out of the parking lot, taking my friend away.
Shirish was from Nepal and had stayed in Scotland a little over a year with his father and sister. They were my neighbors and Shirish was my best friend. We talked about anything and everything together, made fun of each other, made fun of others, played soccer, climbed trees, and swam at the local pool. He was someone I could trust with anything, gave valuable advice, and was never afraid to tell me what I did not want to hear. Patrick stood beside me-I was surprised there were no tears. He was too. Shirish had been his best friend also and together, the three of us were inseparable.
I lived in Scotland for nine years, but the night before his departure was the most brilliant. It was freezing dark, the moon was out, and it had begun to snow in earnest. My brothers were the first outside, calling out to the neighbors, "It's snowing! It's snowing!" Soon all of the university children appeared in the middle where the green hill was, now blanketed in white. A snowball fight erupted and two clans formed immediately, battling it out under the starry, snow-filled night. My worries and sorrow with Shirish's leaving had all but evaporated; everything was good again! We were all there together having a blast and the morning could wait.
But it came, and he went. The taxi had carried off another of my best friends, continuing a painful trend in this university town. When parents received their degrees they packed up and left. Most families stayed for two or three years, but mine had been there for nine. As a result, I saw friend after friend disappear.
I look back on these lasting memories and realize that things and places are not permanent, but more importantly that people are not permanent. The world I live in is dynamic and I cannot control it. I still miss Shirish, Patrick, and many others, but I have learned that time with people is precious. They have taught me the values of companionship and community. These friends of mine from all corners of the globe have shaped me so much, with their presence as well as their absence.
I am still unsure as to what career path I will choose. Whatever road I take, I want it to involve interaction with people. I hope to impact others as profoundly as my friends have me.
Hi Torrence,
Nice job. This is a great story, and I like the image of the taxi. The single-word title, "Taxi," is interesting.
1. I wonder if the reader's attention would by guided better if you changed the opening line to: "Goodbye, Shirish." (Instead of, "Goodbye Torrence.")
2. You wrote: "Shirish had been his best friend also and together, the three of us were inseparable."
For this sentence, you might want to make it clearer using the commas differently and writing, "Shirish was a best friend of his as well, and together the three of us had been inseparable."
3. One sentence is written, "He was too," and I think you should change it to, "He was surprised, too."
4. Instead of, "But it came, and he went," you can write, "Morning did come, though, and Patrick was the next friend to leave."
5. "The world I live in is dynamic and I cannot control it." Separate compound sentences with commas between the two parts: The world I live in is dynamic, and I cannot control it.
Great job. It's already an excellent essay.
Kevin
