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'teach me Japanese' - CommonApp: 500 word Essay (Evaluate a experience)


Lina101 3 / 6  
Oct 29, 2012   #1
I know i still got a lot of rewrite to do and since im not a native speaker some parts might sound awkward so PLEASE, be harsh! :D

I know im not using much of "smart" words so it would be awesome to have some suggestions!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Everything was all new to me: the air, the people, the language, everything. I was brought into this environment so suddenly that I had no idea that this was the most significant change of my life. I was six-years old and in a new country.

I had just gotten off the plane to Japan in my little pink dress and brand new white ruffled stockings. I followed my mom and stopped in front of a taxi waiting outside. There was a man standing casually beside the taxi, and it was obvious that he wasn't the driver. Hesitantly, my mother introduced the man to me as my stepfather. I was paralyzed and couldn't absorb the situation. Without having the time to accommodate it all with my little brain, I arrived at the apartment my mother lived in. There started my new life with my mother whom I hadn't seen for over a year and a stranger who was my stepfather. For the first couple of weeks, I strived to fit into the new environment.

At that point of my life, almost everything had changed entirely; I even had a new family member. I believe my six years-old self was doing the best to adapt to all the change, especially those at school. I started second grade in the nearest elementary school among the Japanese children. On my first day, I was nervous as the principal led me to my new class. Surprisingly enough, my classmates were all extremely welcoming; however everyday in school was a torture. I was in an environment where I spoke and understood nothing, and because of this stress, I began to withdraw from my classmates. Luckily, that isolation was about to end.

One ordinary day, I accidentally elbowed the girl next to me. Due to my inability to apologize in Japanese, she thought I had done it on purpose and started to hit me back. I was scolded severely by the teacher for this inappropriate behavior because she had mistakenly thought that I started a fight. Then, I came to the realization that "if I had known Japanese and apologized right afterwards, I wouldn't have been wronged!" From then, I worked extremely hard on my Japanese: proactively asking my mother to teach me Japanese and taking initiative in starting conversations with my classmates. I was so motivated that even I was surprised by the motivation I had at that time. Within just three months, I was able to speak Japanese conversationally with my classmates, learn with the other second grade Japanese students and best of all, make new friends. During my sixth grade, my parents suddenly announced that we would be moving to the United States. I was extremely nervous since I also couldn't speak English either, but I was full of daring and excitement because of the experience and confidence I gained in Japan. "So, what happened in U.S?" you might ask, well, that is a whole different story.
mystictiger 5 / 11  
Oct 29, 2012   #2
when you say "paralyzed", you can choose a different word choice such as astounded.
linting2012 10 / 78 18  
Nov 6, 2012   #3
Everything was all new to me

I would write Everything was new to me. The all here seemed a little bit redundant

, everything.

Again redundant. I would write something like the air, the people, the language, and even the McDonald seemed a little different.


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