Wake up. Go To School. Go home. Go to sleep. That was it. There was nothing more, nothing less.
3:10 PM that first day. Up the hill, about to conquer to this new place; I don't know what to expect. Will the kids be nice? Is the teacher friendly? Can I handle this? I go down the street, up the stairs, "knock, knock", I am introduced to my current "boss", the teacher I am going to be working for. Then a stream of first graders, fifth graders, fourth graders, coming through the door and despite being nervous I introduce myself to each with a smile. My heart races slightly but I'm making conversation with the kids - asking about their day at school, or what their favorite cartoons are. Automatically, a relationship begins to take form. From here it can only get stronger.
Now, a year later, I am still the teacher assistant at the learning center. I have integrated helping kids into my daily schedule. Next to the table is a book case filled with an assortment of titles and binders that are constantly read, consulted, and written in. While the kids sit around a table that fits comfortably right into the middle of their average size room, I walk around offering guidance for their homework. On typical days, I hear, "Jenny! Jenny! Help me with my homework!" or "Jenny! I don't get it". I enjoy helping them and experiencing those "OH" moments. But, it's not always so pleasant. Sometimes one of the kids gets easily distracted or gets really difficult to handle. To control, a dozen of rambunctious students alone under normal circumstances is difficult enough, but because the teacher was running late, a challenging "You're not our real teacher!" came from one of the students. Then, Jeffrey bolted from his seat, and ran into another room - just to sit on the floor. Frustration takes over when I try to get him to sit back in his seat. After some intense persuasion, he sits back down. A sense of relief has taken over. It's easier when kids behave and are obedient, but where is the fun in that?
Looking back, I saw a Jenny who was unsure of herself. To be a Jenny that was longing to be bubbly and exciting. I needed to evolve. That job did it. Working with a roomful of kids who appreciate my assistance, adds warmth and energy to my life. Regardless of how shy I used to be or how difficult it was at first for me to be outgoing, I know I am sure of myself now, I can stand up to what needs to be done. Not only did the after school teaching, overcame my shyness, it filled a void that I never really knew I had. Who would have guessed that I had once sworn never to work with kids? Today, I walk into work, into the classroom, and begin the sessions with, "Who needs help?"
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Some edits & thoughts would be great! Thanks!
want to give the prompt or is it any topic?
This is decent, but your writing style can be hard to follow at times. Please check out my common app one. Thanks!
Wake up. Go To School. Go home. Go to sleep. That was it. There was nothing more, nothing less. Make the t in to lowercase. I would also add a sentence in between to clarify what you were thinking/going to do so the reader isn't confused. I really love how short and choppy these first few sentences are though; it gives the beginning an impression that it was dreary.
3:10 PM that first day. Up the hill, about to conquer to this new place; I don't know what to expect. I would rearrange these around a little so it's not so confusing. It's 3:10 that first day. I'm climbing the hill and I don't know what to expect. I wouldn't use the word "conquer"; it doesn't seem right in this context.
Will the kids be nice? Is the teacher friendly? Can I handle this? You change tenses.
I go down the street, up the stairs, "knock, knock", I am introduced to my current "boss", the teacher I am going to be working for. Maybe combine the first two fragments to going up the hill. Make "I am introduced to the teacher, my new boss" its own sentence.
Then a stream of first graders, fifth graders, fourth graders, coming through the door and despite being nervous I introduce myself to each with a smile. Change coming to come and take out the comma. Break this up into two sentences.
Next to the table is a book case filled with an assortment of titles and binders that are constantly read, consulted, and written in. I'm confused. The books are being written in? And what are the binders for?
While the kids sit around a table that fits comfortably right into the middle of their average size room, I walk around offering guidance for their homework. I would take out the "right into the middle of their average size". It's too wordy. Change for to on.
Sometimes one of the kids gets easily distracted or gets really difficult to handle. To control, a dozen of rambunctious students alone under normal circumstances is difficult enough, but because the teacher was running late, a challenging "You're not our real teacher!" came from one of the students. I'm not sure if you meant to put "to control" at the beginning of that sentence or if you wanted to hook it on with the last sentence. Also, make sure that you clearly state that this is a separate incident that only happened once. Like, "for example, once, the teacher was running late."
Then, Jeffrey bolted from his seat, and ran into another room - just to sit on the floor. Frustration takes over when I try to get him to sit back in his seat. After some intense persuasion, he sits back down. A sense of relief has taken over. It's easier when kids behave and are obedient, but where is the fun in that? Is Jeffrey the student that yelled that you weren't the teacher? Make that clear. Again, you change from past to present tense. Are you being sarcastic when you say "but where is the fun in that?"
To be a Jenny that was longing to be bubbly and exciting. This sentence confused me. A Jenny who longed to be bubbly and exciting?
Working with a roomful of kids who appreciate my assistance, adds warmth and energy to my life.You don't need the comma here.
Not only did the after school teaching, overcame my shyness, it filled a void that I never really knew I had. Not only did the after school teaching help me overcome my shyness...
Overall, I really liked your essay. Feel free to reject any of my suggestions if you feel the original was better.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
bestcrayons911
thanks! i made some adjustments to my essay (:
