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My teacher has impacted my life. "Sweeping Away Fear" (Final Revision...) - UC Prompt 1

hoanan 2 / 4  
Nov 29, 2011   #1
Hello! Can I please have a last revision on my 1st prompt? I would much appreciate it :)
the deadline is tomorrow @____@

Prompt#1 :
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was the beginning of my sophomore year in high school and advancing to the next level was going to be another step in my life. I entered my English honors class and right down the aisle, behind a podium, stood my English teacher. She was lean and looked quite older. She had a smile on her face and she seemed just like my other teachers. The atmosphere of the classroom felt normal and I thought to myself that I was going to do well.

However, my predicament curved the opposite direction. As the year progressed, my teacher became stricter and the class has became much more difficult. My teacher was teaching at a college-based level and introducing materials that seemed far beyond my knowledge. During lectures, she would speak in a fast paced tone and it became difficult for my mind to grasp the concept of her lessons.

I came face-to-face with my teacher one day as she edited my first essay. She was filled with disappointment and a stern expression. She burst out remarks upon how poorly I had written. Her sharp words echoed my mind each day and the feeling inside me ache. During class, my teacher would display her bitter remarks aloud as I incorrectly addressed an answer. My classroom peers would look in my direction and I felt embarrassed because they seemed like intellectuals to me and I felt like an outsider. I was not such a confident person and was unable to take the feeling away. Each day, I felt weak upon entering my class, afraid to face my teacher and embarrassed to face my classmates. Being a sensitive person, I felt a deep anguish and a feeling of cowardice. I found that I was not progressing well in class. At that moment, I felt my dream of going to college was going to shatter. To be able to further enhance my knowledge and pursue a profession in the medical fields was the path I dream of taking. I did not want to give up this dream. I came to the realization that I needed to stand up and improve myself. Whenever my teacher made bitter remarks, it gave me the courage to control my fear and become stronger. Seeking self-improvement, I was driven to train my brain to stay focus and absorb the value and richness of knowledge.

My teacher has impacted my life in a way that I have altered into a courageous person. I never had a teacher who yelled at me for the mistakes I made even if I seemed like a person that has not committed anything wrong, but I learned to be more confident in myself and face the harsh reality. She pinpointed my mistakes and her bitter remarks helped me improve my weakness. Failure pushed me to strive harder for the future. Through this class, I endured tremendous amount of work, but these endurances provided strength and an early preparation to persevere my dream. As I become immersed into a more difficult challenge, I learned that determination and persistence are key to success. By embedding these qualities in me, it will enable me to survive this complex world. As I reflect back, I remind myself everyday to stay positive, firm, and continue to seek for improvement.
PKsendz 1 / 2  
Nov 30, 2011   #2
Difficult challenge is redundant.
Switch endurances to trials in last paragraph.

Home / Undergraduate / My teacher has impacted my life. "Sweeping Away Fear" (Final Revision...) - UC Prompt 1