Hi, I just finished a first draft of my Rutgers essay and it definitely needs some editing/suggestions. I tried to take a different approach to the prompt, I hope it is not too off topic? I would like to have this done to apply within a week. Any help is greatly appreciated!....Thanks, Gabby.
Required Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
Teacher, veterinarian, artist, biologist, ice cream taste tester, the list goes on. When I was younger, I must have changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up at least a thousand times. But the one thing I never gave a second thought to was going to college. That was always a definite.
I have spent my entire life witnessing my parents struggle to provide for my brother, sister and I. Neither of my parents having gone to college, they had a rough time acquiring jobs sufficient enough to comfortably raise a family. As a child, I felt as if I had the burden of our financial situation on my shoulders. No child should be put in that position, but I am actually grateful for it because I have learned invaluable lessons about life. As a result, I work tirelessly towards a better future. I remain focused on my goal of success so intently because of the way I have grown up. Although I know my parents did the best they could, I also know that I need to do better. I am determined to.
My strive to success is what fuels my interest in Rutgers. Rutgers University is truly a diverse learning environment providing endless opportunities. While I have learned several invaluable life lessons already, there is so much more to be gained. Rutgers is the perfect place to have new experiences that will help refine who I already am, and give me the best possibilities toward success. I am very eager to be immersed in the vibrant community, full of students with different backgrounds and experiences than my own, and also to share my stories with others. Ideally, this culture rich environment would give me new views of the world. The world is extremely diverse, and being at Rutgers would prepare me for entering the world. I am confident that Rutgers will provide me with all the opportunities I need to accomplish anything I decide to do in life and I am more than willing to take full advantage of these opportunities. I am optimistic that a better future lies beyond my somewhat deprived childhood. I know that it is all in my hands to take the necessary steps. Rutgers is without a doubt the best step I could take at this point in my life.
"When I was younger, I must have changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up at least a thousand times." That sounds awkward, but it might just be me.
Also, "No child should be put in that position, but I am actually grateful for it because I have learned invaluable lessons about life" In this sentence, it should be I am actually grateful I WAS, not for it.
It's great, you answered the prompt fine the last paragraph :)
