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Teaching and volunteering; Gettysburg Supp: "Make a difference"


moon05 13 / 133 20  
Dec 26, 2012   #1
Prompt: Gettysburg College students are engaged learners and 'make a difference' both on and off campus through their academic and extracurricular activities. Describe a situation in which you have made a difference in your school or community and what you learned from that experience. (750 Characters)

I have reached 842 characters. Please correct as it's needed! I think that there might be a problem with organizing, especially the last sentence I think I have placed it incorrectly.

Teaching and volunteering has been my favorite hobbies. Three years back I got the opportunity to teach in an orphanage near my home and that's when I got the most joy out of teaching. I have been teaching sciences and English to them. It's an amazing feeling when I see that these children have learned something from me and their eyes sparkle out of excitement. As well as my last project with slum and orphanage children I have managed to enroll some of the bright ones with scholarships in my last school. They are now excelling in their academics at the school. I have always seen that people neglect the orphans because of being illiterate so I think if they are given proper education no one will look down upon them anymore. That is why I am trying to engage more of my friends to teach them voluntarily and eradicate this illiteracy.

pingupinga 2 / 6  
Dec 26, 2012   #2
Teaching and volunteering has been my favorite hobbies.

Teaching and volunteering are two of my favorite hobbies

There are some minor errors with the punctuation but the content seems interesting and engaging.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
Hi moon05,
Here's some help for reducing your word count;

Teaching and volunteering has been my favorite hobbies.

I always loved Teaching and Volunteering.

Three years back I got the opportunity to teach in an orphanage near my home and that's when I got the most joy out of teaching.I have been teaching sciences and English to them.

Three years back, I taught Science and English in a local orphanage which was my best teaching experience.

It's an amazing feeling when I see that these children have learned something from me and their eyes sparkle out of excitement.

It was amazing to watch the excitement and hope in the faces of those needy children.
OP moon05 13 / 133 20  
Dec 26, 2012   #4
Thanks pingupinga and dumi for the help! now it's 713 characters...

Sould I be adding something like a conclusion sentence? if then some suggestion...

Oh and if you can look at my other Gettysburg supplement...!
Mein 4 / 22 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
How about:
Because even orphans have the right in access of education.
It's kind of weird, but you get the meaning, right?


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