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Technology Clinic and passion - Why Lafayette? My attempt to be a little different.


thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 26, 2013   #1
Hey guys! Below is my response to the prompt: Why Lafayette? (20-200 words). Please critique it as harshly as you feel appropriate.

For a host of reasons!
The energy.
The authentic relationships.
The nachos at Gilbert's.
The Alternative School Break Club.
The SIT Environmental Sciences semester abroad program.
Midnight Breakfast, 1000 Nights and other endearing traditions.
The vibrant Skillman Library, buzzing with constant intellectual activity.
The intimate classroom setting and the authentic student-teacher relationships.
L.E.A.P. and its myriad endeavors to empower the local community.
The chance to participate in the Campus Rainworks Challenge with Dr. Brandes.
The ability to DO things rather than just read about them in textbooks.
The passion at Technology Clinic of using classroom knowledge to tackle real world problems.
The liberty to continue playing basketball, while maintaining a healthy balance with my academic passions.
The brilliant Interim program, with its freedom to completely soak oneself in one's subject of choice.
The chance to get my hands dirty with the School for Field Studies' summer abroad programs.
The space to combine my passion for the environment with my love for computer science and psychology.
Gentle guidance of the Gateway program, preparing me for life after college while never restricting one's freedom to explore.
But most of all, for the knowledge that at the end of four years I wouldn't just be a great environmentalist; I would be a better person.

iPreo 3 / 9 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
I think your reasons are clear, diverse and very well written. However, I really think you should try and combine them so that they can form an essay structure. I don't think you will be able to fit all your reasons in 200 words, so you might want to try and select the most important to you. They want to see how you formulate your thoughts and how well you handle writing in English. Anyone can list their motives like that. Connect them, place them in context, and I think you can pull off a strong essay.

I hope this was somewhat helpful. Best of luck
OP thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
Thanks Ipreo. Anyone else? I have tried to diverge from the traditional essay writing scheme and would love some feedback.
SilverKnight 15 / 55 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #4
I have to agree with the first opinion. You might like just about everything about the school and feel the need to list all of it. However, what colleges really want to see is some personality and genuine individuality. The only way to do that is to show the university something about yourself, which really can't be done with a list. Pick the 2-3 topics that are the most relevant to you and expand on them.

Also, can you look at my Duke Essay again? I changed the beginning.

I hope I was helpful
OP thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 26, 2013   #5
SilverKnight

Thanks for the review. I was actually trying to go for something different here. I know everyone picks one or two things about the college that really appeal to them, I just thought that after a long day at work adcoms would appreciate this. Did I totally fail at pulling this off?
SilverKnight 15 / 55 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #6
Absolutely not. I would say that you probably did a good job of pulling the list method off correctly. Also, remember what I'm saying is based on my experiences. However, I've heard of people going away from the normal methods, like the guy who simply put "RISK" with a permanent marker on his MIT Application and got accepted or like someone who got into Duke when writing only one sentence on his Why Duke? short answer. So, if you really feel that your list adequately shows the admissions officer who you are and why you are interested, then go ahead and submit it.
helloimyellow 9 / 25 3  
Dec 26, 2013   #7
I'm not sure how I feel about this as it can be a bit of a hit or miss...but I don't think this is a miss. Just not quite sure it's a hit either. The list will definitely catch their eye and you show that you have clearly done your research but maybe try to group a few list items together to form a few small paragraphs and try to elaborate on a few specific things? I'm just afraid the choppy list may seem unfocused/looks to be copy/pasted from a brochure. As always, just an idea :)
OP thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 27, 2013   #8
helloimyellow
Hey! I have been deliberating on that too, and if in two days I am not satisfied with the list, I'll go for that approach. By the way, I have edited the list a bit, see if you can figure out what's the catch :)

Glad you asked!
Alternative School Break Club.
The familial energy and bonding.
The delicious nachos at Gilbert's Café.
SIT Study Abroad's insightful environmental studies programs.
Midnight Breakfast, 1000 Nights and other endearing traditions.
The vibrant Skillman Library, buzzing with constant intellectual activity.
The intimate classroom setting and the authentic student-teacher relationships.
L.E.A.P. and its myriad of endeavors to empower the local community.
The chance to participate in the Campus Rainworks Challenge with Dr. Brandes.
The ability to DO things rather than just read about them in textbooks.
The passion at Technology Clinic of using classroom knowledge to tackle real world problems.
The liberty to continue playing basketball, while maintaining a healthy balance with my academic passions.
The brilliant Interim program, with its freedom to completely soak oneself in one's subject of choice.
The wonderful chance to get my hands dirty with the School for Field Studies' summer abroad programs.
The space to combine my passion for a better environment with my love for computer science and psychology.
The gentle guidance of the Gateway program, preparing one for professional life while never restricting one's freedom to explore.
But most of all, for the knowledge that at the end of four years I wouldn't just be a great environmentalist; I would be a better person.
OP thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 27, 2013   #9
Also, could you please look over my St. Olaf essay?
Ryxion 2 / 8 1  
Dec 27, 2013   #10
Yes i agree with what most of them said. You have plenty of great points. I mean, we're so used to the usual essay format that anything beyond it looks weird. I understand your attempt to be creative and different, but as a student myself I cannot say for certain. Personally i cannot see 'you' inside. Other people might also do a similar list, what makes yours showcase who you truly are and how the good points of the college may help you?

Just personal opinion though. Cheers!
OP thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 27, 2013   #11
Ryxion, thank you for your comments. Since many feel this way, I think I'll try to do some major editing and make this more personal.

Bdw, could you please also read my St. Olaf essay?


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