Hi, I'd like to get some feed back before I post this onto my application. Thanks everyone for putting your time into correcting it.
Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.
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Technology has always been a passion to me since my childhood. It is such an amazing subject because it mainly shapes and makes all dreams come true. The surrounding environment I live in has motivated me to be a part of the world of technology.
We did not have much activities or extracurricular lessons in my high school. Nonetheless, we hold science fairs once a year and various other projects that usually require cooperation and team work. The classes were easy for me while others struggled in them. What I wanted was a challenge that would truly reveal my capabilities. The school did not offer AP, IB or honor programs; therefore, I sought stimulating challenges from my teachers, who were very caring and supportive.
I felt that my capabilities have not really been tested yet. Thus, I started exploring other opportunities outside the school's fence to satisfy that eagerness inside me. My search led me to Fablab, a global organization that focuses on progressing in the field of technology and making people's lives better with it. Fablab is an engineer's fantasy world that is filled with advanced 3D printers, laser cutters, microcontrollers, robotics and much more. I have found my paradise there and have begun going there almost every day to tinker with the stuff there. I have worked with the team there to make various projects of which were requested by several organizations.
During those years, something sparked inside me, something that made me want to make a brighter future for my country, to make it well-known throughout the globe. To achieve this vision, I needed to take a certain path that would help me on my quest. At the beginning, I was influenced by my father who works as a mechanical engineer professor at Kuwait University. However, after an extensive reading about different engineering fields and going to fairs held by colleges, I realized that I do not want to choose mechanical engineering just because of my father, but because this is what I wanted my future to be like.
All of the things I have declared in this statement attribute to my ambition, an ambition that will hopefully and eventually make the country I reside in a leader in technology, to found a company that will create innovational products and contribute to this beautiful world of technology. Although I follow a huge dream, I always remember to stick to my principle: to never let this material world steer me away from my values and morals no matter whatever happens. I hope this vision would inspire every boy and girl who has a dream like mine that nothing is impossible. This is what makes me who I am now, and without it, I am nothing.
Personally,I feel like your essay has a potential but it has a dull sense in the vocabulary.It would be great if you put inspiration first and explain.Most of time essay revolves in "this about me and that about me". It's more of a "feel-good essay",the passion you are trying to show is hidden with these details.What I wanted was a challenge that would truly reveal my capabilities. this line kind of makes you are explaining for a job.This essay has everything perfect except,compressing all of details in a line will give reader a sence that you are "writing recommendation for yourself".Lose the tone of me-ness(i don't mean you are selfish).If you loose me-ness you can focus in the passion and aim you are explaining.I haven't checked grammar,I have just proof-read about content.
