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Technology, programming - NUS Application Essay Singapore


Xueli 1 / -  
Feb 16, 2010   #1
Hi, I've just signed to be a member of this forum. By tomorrow, i need to send my essay to NUS in Singapore. So could you help me to improve on my essay by checking on grammer and sentence structures.

Thank you!

Below is the Question

This section is an opportunity for you to elaborate on the information you have provided earlier. You may wish to discuss a special talent, a personal experience or an activity that you have been involved in that is of relevance to the course that you are applying for at the university.

As there is only limited space (1800 characters), you are encouraged to present your ideas in focused and thoughtful manner.

I was in symphonic band for five years in my secondary life. Being promoted to the rank, master sergeant believed that I've the capability thus I was promoted to such rank. I was appointed by school twice to take part in Singapore Youth Festival (SYF) and won a bronze in year 2002 and silver award in year 2005. In poly, Ngee Ann Polytechnic, I was in ICT (Info-comm Technology) Society since year one with the post of departmental committee member and being promoted to executive committee in year two. I was appointed to be the chairperson of ICT Graduation Night 2010 in year three and graduated with Gold in CCA.

Being in ICT Society, I'm also appointed to be student leader in various events held by Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Events like open house that helps to interact with parents and students, chief ushers for Ngee Ann Annual Award and Appreciation Night and etc.

I believed I'm able to well balance my work and CCA. Which I think that time management is rather vital. With good time management and communication, committee members would not be confused and no conflict will be raised up and thus able to make the event a success. This would definitely help to apply to my studies and even in my future work. No matter which fields am I in, it would help me to gain on my leadership and management. On top of that, having able to plan a correct and suitable work schedule for myself and complete the project or assignment assigned to me on time. Other than that, I would be able to work hand in hand with my team members with good communication and trust build up among us. It would helps to clear everyone doubt and be able to produce good results on our project and assignment given by professor. With that, I'm would be able to succeed on any area with the help and experience in leadership.

Leadership would definitely help me in any area in any course. As in organizing my work, studies and even having good bond and relationship within classmates without any conflict. Although I'm not a top student in school of ICT but I strive to have well balance in my work and CCA. Having a busy and tight schedule on CCA and school work, I'm still able to communicate well with my team members during assignments period to successfully complete our assignment with good grades without delaying any work that causes unhappiness among team members.

With working experience through my internship at KPMG Singapore, its let me understand how business industries goes with technologies. Moreover, having real-life learning experience from various senior associates and managers helps me to broaden my exposure not just from limit to what I've learnt in school.

Role is to help in developing programs using COBOL Languages for financial institution like banks and etc. With criteria and requirements given by manager, we are required to complete it with given deadline and needed to ensure everything is work well including the interface. Due to professionalism, we are not allowed to reveal the tasks and whose are our clients.
tiger13twin 7 / 20  
Feb 16, 2010   #2
When writing these kind of essays, you don't whant to use contractions.
I'vehave

you can change this sentence by clarly stating what you mean such as
Being promoted to the rank, master sergeant believed that I've the capability thus I was promoted to such rank.
For me, I can't understand what you are saying in this sentence. Is his name master sergeant, or did the sergeant promote you to master. If neither, than you should say what he promoted you to.

In this sentence, I believed I'm able to well balance my work and CCA., you should write I am able to well balance my work and CCA. I say this because you want to show them how sure you are, you don't want any doubt.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 17, 2010   #3
Events, like open house, that facilitate interaction with parents and students, chief ushers for Ngee Ann Annual Award and Appreciation Night and so forth. etc. I don't really understand the last half of this sentence.

I believed am confident in my readiness to balance my work and CCA.

Which I think that time management is rather vital; with good time management and communication, committee members would not be confused, and no conflict will be raised. up This is how to make the event a success.

It would help to clear everyone's doubt and be able to produce good results on our project and assignment given by professor.

:-)


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