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TEDtalk conference contributed to my development on mathematics and other sciences

rnsnz18 10 / 33 4  
Jan 3, 2017   #1
Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.(100 to 250 words).

better focus for reaching goals

I remember a class in the Math Olympiad where the professor projected a TEDtalk conference called "Marshmallow test and instant gratification". It had nothing to do with math; however, it's been the most important thing for my development on mathematics and other sciences. The video talks about how people look for immediate pleasure instead of sacrificing it for obtaining a better reward in the future. From that day, I learned that if I wanted to be successful I needed to work hard and left the leisure on a second plane. But instead of making a "sacrifice" I combined the time of hardworking with my passions, that way I'd always be having fun while striving for my future success.

The work ethic I acquired since that class has been the fundamental key for reaching my goals. I narrowed down my activities and focused on the Math Olympiad and School's Science Club. My results on the contests changed considerably and a few months later I passed the state stage that I had failed the previous year.

I also knew the importance of making a balance between working and distraction. Surprisingly for me, I became better in my hobbies too. I forgot everything about math and my competitions and put my entire concentration either on playing soccer or learning magic. Now every time I do something I ask myself if it is going to make me achieve what I want, not only in the mathematical Olympiad, but also in any personal aspiration.

Thanks in advance for your feedback, in my firsy essay I don't mention my awards in the olympiad soccer and magic because that's on another part of the application so i thibk that shows the rewards of my work ethic. I hope this two essays reslly talk more about my voice and are well developed for the stanford application.

alexgzm 5 / 17 9  
Jan 4, 2017   #2


Overall I think you've got a well-structured essay that's also interesting. In my opinion I would consider explaining a little bit more how did the video change you in an intellectual way, because even though you're showing the way you improved your performance, you're leaving behind how you improved intellectually, how did balancing your time made you more effective in your intellectual pursuits as well as your passions?

Also I found some grammar mistakes:

I... to work hard and leave the leisure ...

that way I'd always have fun while ...

I also learned about the importance of ...

Surprisingly, I became better in ... (You can erase the for me, it's not necessary.)

... if it is going to help me achieve what I want

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