As a high school student I didn't put much effort into my work. I would slack off and hang out with my friends and had the mentality of "C's get degrees." I regretted that attitude because it wasn't until my second semester of my junior year where I had really started to focus on my studies. However, the damage was done and I graduated with a 2.8 GPA.
After I graduated, I decided to attend Bellevue College and transfer into the Informatics program at the University of Washington. Seeing the prerequisites for the program made me realize that the journey would not be easy, and I couldn't keep that same mentality that I had in high school. I took the challenge by taking advanced courses like statistics and computer science. I consciously decided to spend hours in the math lab and the Academic Success Center instead of hanging out with my friends and procrastinating. I knew that this was my second chance, and that I had to make the most of it. I decided to get more involved on campus. By networking with other students via clubs and programs, I was able to create study groups to improve myself academically and saw a huge improvement from my high school grades to my college grades.
My intended major at the UW is informatics. My goal is to become a successful UX Designer. I have prepared myself for this career path by networking with mentors who are UX Designers at companies like Expedia, Microsoft and Citi Bank. My friend, who is a Senior UX Designer, has helped me enroll in an intro level design course for people who aspire to become UX Designers. I have learned HTML, CSS, and JavaScript from Codecademy.com and plan on taking some graphic design classes and web development classes at school. I also successfully ran for Technology Representative for my college's student government. Since I've been elected into office, I constantly survey students on how they want to see the campus be changed whether it's by getting cell phone charging stations on campus, or getting a mobile app for the school.
After attending information sessions with admissions officers for the Informatics program at UW and talking with the general transfer admissions officers who come to Bellevue College, I feel as if I am prepared for my intended major. I have an academic plan for which classes I need to take in order to fulfill all the prerequisites for the major, and am on track to get my associates by spring quarter. I chose Informatics as my major because I have a passion for technology and working with people. I love seeing how other people use technology, and facilitating that is something I enjoy. I first heard about the program from a friend of mine at UW. Upon further research, I discovered that Human Computer Interaction was a degree offered by the Information School. I believe that the UW will assist me in achieving my goal of becoming a UX Designer because the Informatics track is a unique program that is a combination of technical and social skills, and can be a way to express yourself through design. After considering my academic, personal, and career goals, I believe that the Human Computer Interaction track within the UW Informatics program is the right fit for me.
Muhammad, first stop, you started your essay too personal and on a negative outlook, it may seem to have started good but not quiet, however, you were able to manage and get back on track just like how you manage your grades.
Let me share my thoughts further.
- I took the challenged myself by taking
- I hope to either becomeaim at becoming a successful UX Designer.
- I constantly survey students on how they want to see the campus
- and amI'm currently on that track.
- because I've always have hadas I develop a passion
- I know that UW will helpassist me in achieving my goals
- in beingbecoming a successful student, UX Designer and a person overall.
There you have it Muhammad, I made direst corrections on your essay, I hope it helps.
Muhammed, you did very well in explaining the dire circumstances that affected your final grade point average. While it a negative aspect of your personality as a student, the essay required you to present that fact in order to help the reviewer evaluate your overall grade transcript. UW seems to be a university that takes all aspects of a student's accomplishments into consideration when considering admission so by properly providing the information about your grades and offering an acceptable explanation for it, as the prompt requires, you were able to connect on a deeper level with the reviewer. Don't remove that part, it is an integral part of your essay response, even though it sounds negative, it has a positive impact on the overall content of your essay as required by the prompt.
As I reviewed your essay, I noticed that you did not really provide a strong enough reason for your desire to transfer from BC to UW. the prompt question listing specifically asks you to state the reasons for your desire to transfer. It can't be as simple as you just want to transfer to UW because of the curriculum. Most universities that offer the same courses alsho shar ethe same curriculum for purposes of grade crediting with transfer students. It has to be something more convincing like, maybe, UW offering a more interesting internship program for the students, having specific course offerings that you feel will better relate to how you wish to develop your career, or maybe UW is located closer to where you live... The reasons are varied, numerous and quite interesting. Try to find the most interesting reasons for your transfer. It will help convince the reviewer that your transfer is based upon an urgent academic and professional need than just a whim.
Upon first glance, it would seem that you are more than prepared to enroll in this major. You have a pretty solid essay which requires slight revisions in order to better address the prompt but overall, it delivers a positive image of you as a transfer student. However, the current essay may still be revised depending upon the reasons that you present for your interest in switching schools. If you are dealing with a maximum word count at the moment, I want you to tally disregard that. Just write the essay and we will edit it down to the correct word count as we polish it. It is always easier to shorten an essay than to try to make an accurate word count essay respond to the required prompts.
Thank you for the wonderful feedback! I will hopefully post another draft by tomorrow!
Muhammad, I would like to commend you on the way that you have revised the essay. You really have proven your ability to turn your academic life around. Not only that, but you also showed your intellectual development as a person alongside your strong sense of personal responsibility for your future. So, this essay really works very well for your purpose. Just one teeny weenie clarification needs to be made in the essay though. Just to clearly present your reason for transferring to UW.
The reason for your transfer still isn't quite clear. You mention that you started at Bellevue but then decided to transfer to UW because of your interest in Informatics. Please clarify that Bellevue as a college does not offer this course and since this is where your interests lie, you decided that you future as a computer professional would best be developed at UW. After that explanation, you can keep the rest of the paragraph that explains about the course curriculum that interested you in UW.
The overall information the essay now contains is quite relevant and provides enough attention and focus to the prompt questions. You have successfully conveyed all of the possible convincing responses on your part. Rest easy knowing that the reviewer now has a clearer idea of who you are as a student and will be able to make a more accurate consideration of your application based upon all the documents you will have submitted.
So, just one more slight revision and then, I believe this essay will be ready for grammar checking and polishing. It will be ready for submission after we doe those last 2 essay writing procedures :-)
