Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?
I was born in____________. Because everything seemed so perfect, I never thought I would never move to any other place. When I was 11 years old my father moved to the United Stated due to political issues in _____. After two years, he informed me that we are going to move to the USA for good. I was very worried and upset; I didn't want to leave all my families, friends or the school I went for almost six years. It was very hard for me to even imagine my life without the people that loved me the most.
On the plane my way to the USA, I was crying to death because I didn't want to leave my comfort zone. I was worried that if I don't like USA, I might have to make the biggest decision in my life. If I don't like USA, I have to go back to Ethiopia and not see my father for years because he can't go back to Ethiopia. When I got to the USA, I was amazed by the diversity of the people. I felt like I can connect with people and make friends from diverse nationalities
First I was enrolled in Francis C Hammond School. I was in 8th grade, I felt very nervous from the fear that no one would want to be my friend or that they might not like me. I soon realized that I was wrong; I did make lots of great friends and meet new teachers. I then transferred to high school. In my high school career, I experience almost the same situations. In my first of high school I was scared to take AP or honor classes because I wanted to maintain a good GAP by taking easy classes, but with the help on my father I decided to take two AP classes, three honor classes.
The experience of leaving my comfort zone in to USA has changed me, in that it has made me a strong person. I have learned to think positively and I thank my father for giving me the opportunity to discover myself and believing in me. I had the fear that I wasn't going to live my life as I dreamed or lose my identity. Because of my experience in the USA, I have learned to make good decisions and of situations in that I shouldn't worry much about things that I cannot control; through my experience of leaving my comfort zone, I have learned to never be afraid of anything because wherever I go, I will always discover new things and meet great people, so through the experience, I believe that I have developed philosophically and socially.
Read the first two paragraphs, and pretty good. One question, you moved to United States WITH your father when you were 11? Probably not. But, later, you say, "for good," which makes me think you were already there and came back once in a while. (Also...you didn't mention the country you were born in in the first line, but then you say, "If I don't like USA, I have to go back to...(insert country name here)" I understand that you probably want to keep it private.
Btw, here's a few corrections:
I was born in ____________. Because everything seemed so perfect, I never thought I would neverever move to any other place. [Try not to start sentences with because. It could be like: I never thought I would ever move to any other place, because everything seemed so perfect.] When I was 11 years old my father moved to the United Stated, due to political issues in _____. After two years, he informed memy family, that we arewere going to move to the USA for good. I was very worried and upset; I didn't want to leave all my familiesrelatives, friends or the school I went to, for almost six years. It was very hard for me to even imagine my life without the people that loved me the most. [Better sentence: I couldn't imagine a life without the people who loved me the most, and the people who I loved the most.]
On the plane my way to the USA, I was crying to death because I didn't want to leave my comfort zone. I was worried that if I don't like USA, I might have to make the biggest decision in my life. If I don't like USA, I have to go back to Ethiopia and not see my father for years because he can't go back to Ethiopia. When I got to the USA, I was amazed by the diversity of the people. I felt like I can connect with people and make friends from diverse nationalities.
Rewritten Paragraph: While on th plane to USA, I was overcome with emotion, and was crying to death. I was going further and further away from my comfort zone. I was worried. What if I didn't like USA? I would have to retun to ______, and that would probably be the biggest decision that I'd have to make, in my whole life. If I went back to _______, I wouldn't be able to see my father for years to come, since he couldn't go back with me. All these thoughts faded away when I was finally able to witness, the diversity of the people in USA. I felt like I could connect with the people there, and make friends from different religons, cultures, and countries.
Hope I helped! Good luck with the essay.
NightRaven that was very nice of you. Thanks for helping!!
Because of my experience in the USA, I have learned know how to make good decisions and cope with stressful situations -- remembering that I shouldn't worry much about things that I cannot control. Through my experience of leaving my comfort zone, I have learned to never be afraid of anything because wherever I go; I will always discover new things and meet great people, so through the experience, I believe that I have developed philosophically and socially. -----> this sentence becomes weak after it goes on and on for too long. In an artful way, break up long sentences. An essay should be one central idea (a deep thought), and in the essay you are allowed to use as many sentences as you need to explain all the sub-thoughts (1 sub-thought = one paragraph) that comprise the central idea.
So...
one essay = one big thought
each paragraph = one smaller thought to help explain the big thought.
