"We are here now!" Feng exclaimed as he disembarked on his motorcycle.
The sun was setting behind the hills while I relished the view of the countryside. I anticipated to spending my summer without my parents or any relatives for the first time. I was going to spend the rest of the summer with Feng, who was a total stranger to me and had just completed his Bachelor's degree, and his family. He would teach me math every morning and I would work in his orchard in the afternoon paying for tuition. Little did I know that this summer of ours would become an influential lesson in life about perseverance.
"Tell me what you know about math." This was my first class with Feng. Honestly, I didn't know much about math. In spite of attempted to recall what my math teacher taught when I first went to math class, I couldn't remember anything but numbers, which I told Feng. After I opened my textbook, he started teaching me from Lesson One, yet I didn't comprehend what he was talking about. I would be the most demanding student he had ever had since, as a seventh grader, I needed to begin from fourth-grade material.
I was discouraged and reconsidered the whole situation, seeing that I had already "failed" many times. Dissimilarly, I realized Feng had not abandoned me. He taught me those lessons with attractive perseverance: he kept correcting me even though I had made the same mistake several times which made me feel I was worth his effort. Being a character of tenacity and determination, I pressed on.
"I need to find the height first, then use... I should calculate m first, then plugging into the equation and find b..." I could hear my heart beating as loudly as the drum in an Indian pow wow.
And then I did it! Just like that, I finally solved the practice problems all by myself. Me, vigorous, hearty and vital, extremely energetic, right in my head.
That was the first time I experienced what success felt like in my life, also how my confidence was raised. When I got back to school, my classmates were amazed that I performed well on math tests. I had gradually developed my interest in solving math problems as there would only be one answer for any question, yet there were many measures in solving it. When people asked me how I transformed from not knowing math to enjoying it, perseverance was the answer.
Incredibly, now I'm a math tutor in my high school. After transiting from a person who struggled in math to a person who tutoring students, I have realized math can offer more than just knowledge to people. As a tutor, I perceive I have to be more preserved than everyone: my job is performing my perseverance as well as instructing it. Solving mathematical problems is more likely dealing with our life: there is not ending for our ambitions; in order to accomplish our ambitions, we have to perseverate.
This summer lasted less than two months, but was a turning point in my life. I learned of perseverance from this crucial lesson; I can do anything. This experience taught me to have confidence in myself, without getting discouraged by any difficulties. Life always brings great challenges; I have to meet them with perseverance. That is the one way I will overcome.
This is the essay that I have. Can someone please help me edit it and tell me what I need to add? It's only 500 words.
Thank you :)
I don't think alternatively is the right word in that first paragraph. It does not quite fit with what you are saying. You don't have to replace it; just omit it.
Frame this discussion within a larger discussion of your process, your plan, your ongoing effort to become a particular kind of person.
The empowerment regarding math is only meaningful within the context of how you will use it -- how you will use math, and how you will use other empowerment. And you will also empower others.
Consider your overarching plan and how "empowerment" fits into it. I think you could write 100 pages! :-)
Hmm, hmm, hmm...
Good ending:
"Life always brings great challenges, but I have to meet them with perseverance. That is the only way I will succeed."
Some things I see to edit:
Loads of "buts"! Well, at least in the last paragraph. I'm just not one for using the same word in a paragraph (other than the, I, am, etc).
Have you done anything to further your passion in mathematics? Tutored students, used math to calculate things in real life... If so, maybe you should put that in? If not, it's fine.
500 words only - good amount. I think mine was around 600. Don't get bent up on this. As long as it shows the type of person you are, it doesn't matter how long the essay is... Up to 1000 maybe.
Oh, and make sure the essay is fun to read!
Hi!
I suggest to make your conclusion somehow more general - with a more general life meaning - that does not focuses on you. "That is the only way I will success".
You may try out something that reflects a greater image of the world or life, that applies to everyone.
The rest is absolutely fine... but I feel unsure about the conclusion.
Hope that helped..
Thank you @ioannis.
The prompt I choose is "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence," so I think I should focus on me rather than general life.
