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I'll tell you something about me: I am alive... Penn State Personal Statement


kyrajay 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2014   #1
Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected in your application or academic record. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.

Hello, I'm a bit late on writing my personal statement because I have been at a loss of ideas to write about. I would like to apply undeclared so writing about my career choice wouldn't seem to fit with the rest of the application. I wrote this draft however my family hates it and now I too am also questioning my work. It is very hard for me to write about myself and I don't want my essay to sound generic. I enjoy creative writing so that is the approach I tend to take when writing essays of my own free will. Thank you for your time and please be honest. I just need direction on what they're looking for.

I am alive. The past four years of my life have been both challenging and rewarding. The beginning was a tough battle. I found myself slipping away in the sea of family wreckage left from my parent's separation. As my emotional state deteriorated I quickly reached my lowest point in life. I fought long and hard against myself to keep going every day. Years have passed since that point in my life yet I still remember it clearly. Eventually I grew tired of my sadness. I realized I was allowing the world to continue spinning while I let myself stand still. I knew I could not lose this battle. So I came up with a solution. I took all my emotion, I gathered every negative aspect of my life and I transformed it. All the bottled up emotion I carried inside, I turned into the motivation to improve myself. This is how I won the battle and through this little victory I was reborn. The troubling experiences from my past have done nothing but make me a stronger individual. To this day, every negative experience becomes something I turn into positivity. Instilled in me is a yearning to be successful, to always stay motivated, and to commit and do my best at all the things I set my mind to. I made a promise to myself that I will never give up, and here I am today. I am so thankful for this chance at life that I have been given. All the emotions I have endured in these past four years of my life have set me up for this moment. The moment I can look at those who have doubted me and tell them I made it. The moment I can see my loving family and tell them I made it. The moment I can stand in front of the mirror, look myself in the eyes, and tell myself, "You made it".
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 22, 2014   #2
Kyra, I have a bit of advice for you. Rather than positioning the essay to show that you are alive, why not make it show something else? Instead of saying "I am alive", say "I was lost but found my way back" and then start with how your parents divorce affected you and then go into some details about your downward spiral, highlighting the event that made you realize that you could still turn things around for yourself. Then expand upon how you found yourself and continue to improve yourself by using the tragedy in your life as an inspiration to always do better in your life. Show us that you want to prove your detractors and your parents (if it applies to them as well) wrong. That will be a better statement than saying "I am alive" because you were never dead and neither did you have a health scare that could have ended with you dead. If you meant you were dead spiritually then you have to revise the whole essay to reflect that :-)


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