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Tell me about yourself (family, hobbies, dreams, strongest and weakest points)

writing about myself

Hello everyone! My name's Huy. I'm studying at Kim Lien Highschool, Hanoi. I was born in a countryside of Phu Tho in 1999. I live with my parent and my younger brother. I have a close-knit family. I do many thing for entertainment: playing games, reading book, listening to music,... but my hobby and also my dream is to learn about computer. When I was a 13-year-old boy, i watched a movie about the life of a hacker. He's so cool that i thinked:" Wow, i want to be a man like that". I'm not just dreaming. Since i came to my highschool and learn Pascal , i've learn much about other programing languages, the first was PHP, then HTML, and now i'm still learning Python. I have many weakpoints, i'm very reserve, easy to be stressful and sometimes ignorant. But I want my dream to come true and i'll do my best for it. Tks for reading!

Jan 24, 2018   #2
Cao, you have a problem with the plural form of words. You have everything in the presentation of your essay listed as singular forms when it should be plural in presentation. Use the plural form for the terms parent(s), thing(s), book(s), and computer(s)". Present the following words in the appropriate past tense as well: think = thought, reserve = reserved, easy to be stressful = easily stressed out. Never use SMS spelling for formal academic presentations. Always spell out the full word. So Tks is totally unacceptable while "Thanks" is very acceptable in a formal setting. You also must be conscious of the way that you use the word "I" in the statement. That letter is never written in lowercase when referring to yourself. So it has to be capitalized as all times when writing "I'm, I, I am, I've, I'll". It appears to me that your problems are more in the range of word usage than anything else. You should practice more word usage exercises as well as read more English publications in order to gain a better understanding of the natural English word and sentence formations. By the way, you cannot use an ellipses after a comma. Use only one or the other punctuation mark in the sentence. The ellipses mean a continued but unspoken thought while a comma indicates another related term to the previous word listed.

I think you can write more effective sentence like combining some of your sentences.
For example : "When I was ... life of a hacker that inspires me to be a cool hacker just like him. Ever since I never stop dreaming to be a hacker and start to learn programming when I was in highschool. ......"

hope it helps :)
I do many things for entertainment such as playing games, reading books, listening to music,and so on. However, but my hobby and which is also my ...

... i (capital) watched a ...
... that i thinked:" Wow, ...

i for a subject should be I (capitalized)

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