Temple essay - who will I be in 10 years?; education administrator

Please type an essay of 2000 characters (approximately 300 words) that tells us more about you. Imagine you have graduated from Temple University. You are preparing to attend your 10-year reunion, and the alumni office has asked you to write a one-page essay about your personal and professional accomplishments since graduation. What would yours say?

Ten years ago if you asked me where I was headed, I would fumble to come up with what I thought would sound impressive. I honestly didn't know where I was heading or who I was as an individual. I was constantly trying to find my niche in society. Not only was I uncertain of what I wanted to major in, I simply felt like I had no exceptional talents in one specific area. Could I be a future doctor? No too clumsy How about a a lawyer? Not objective enough. Fortunately attending Temple University has unleashed my insecurities while molding me into a confident and well-rounded professional. I have pursued my love for teaching, interacting with young people, and assuming a leadership position as an education administrator.

Before becoming an administrator, I worked as a secondary school teacher for eight years and received the teacher of the year in all of New York State, an honor that I'm delighted to have. I went on to get my M. Ed., and I am a principal. I love being able to organize school activities, set academic requirements, and most importantly watch students embrace education as their own foundation for success. Under my new program: Success in the hands of me, Drop out rates have decreased, teen pregnancy rates have dwindled, and drug abuse has been replaced with students desires to take control of lives.

When I applied to Temple I knew I was signing a contract with my future-one that I didn't perceive to be as rewarding as it today.

Ten years ago if you asked me where I was headed << different wording?, I would fumble to come up with what I thought sounded impressive. I honestly did not know where I was heading or who I was as an individual. I was constantly trying to find my niche in society. Not only was I uncertain of what I wanted to major in, but I simply felt like I had no exceptional talents in one specific area. Could I be a future doctor? No, too clumsy. How about a a lawyer? Not objective enough. Fortunately, attending Temple University has unleashed my insecurities while molding me into a confident and well-rounded professional. I have pursued my love for teaching, interacting with young people, and assuming a leadership position as an education administrator.

Before becoming an administrator, I worked as a secondary school teacher for eight years and received the teacher of the year in all of New York State, an honor that I am delighted to have. I went on to get my M. Ed, and I am a principal. I love being able to organize school activities, set academic requirements, and most importantly watch students embrace education as their own foundation for success. Under my new program: Success in the hands of me, << wording?, d rop out rates have decreased, teen pregnancy rates have dwindled, and drug abuse has been replaced with students desires to take control of lives.

When I applied to Temple University, I knew I was signing a contract with my future-one << I don't know if you should use a dash... maybe a comma?, that I did not perceive to be as rewarding as it today.

this passage doesn't hit the prompt, which was asking AFTER the graduation. Start with your next sentence, in which you actually begin to talk about your ambition and future!

the rest is great, just shorten your misleading first sentences (i understand that you're trying to start and capture the reader, but don't make it 10 lines, one sentence should be enough) and talk more about your actual psychology, ambition. HOW did drop rates and all these change? do you have any ideas?

the point of this prompt is to figure out whether you are ambitious (which you covered) and if you have ANY type of plan, or is it all fluff (that part you haven't).