I just cut down my essay about 250 words so please read and offer suggestions. Thank You!
"What has destroyed every previous civilization has been the tendency to the unequal distribution of wealth and power." A quote from Henry George that still has as much power today as it did in his time. Even here in America, the gap between the affluent and the destitute becomes wider and wider. As more citizens lose their jobs, the wealthy seem like a good target for their rage. The problem lies in the fact that the wealthy are not aware of others' struggles, and continue living their opulent lives.
As a child, I knew we as a family were not loaded, but we did what we could to move forward. As I matured, I realized how the world worked and I hated that my family was not important in the big scheme of things. We had no real wealth, and I feel as if most of our problems could have been solved if just a bit of money could have headed our way. Even then I still believed all people knew the struggles of life, whether they were carpenters and sheet rock builders, like my father, or lawyers and doctors, like my fellow peers. But it all changed with time.
We were having a conversation in class one day on who (wealthy or poor) should pay taxes. I, of course, said the rich since they have assets that the poor do not own. I thought everyone else would believe the same due to the poor's lack of funds. Not so. A girl speaks up and explains the rich should receive tax cuts because it wouldn't be fair to have their money taken away. I point out that the poor don't have the money necessary to pay both taxes and their own utilities. She then states, "Well, maybe they should work harder." Immediately, I experienced a rage I've only experienced a few times before. How can she say that my father, who's worked since he was ten years old, migrated to America to work, and has been employed for almost 40 years, is not working hard enough? That's when it hit me. Maybe wealthy people do not know the same struggle I know, did not battle what we as a family battled. That's when I truly realized the gargantuan disparity between rich and poor, not only through monetary affluence, but through amount of struggles and sacrifice.
Now, I am not writing this to bash on people who earned their wealth. On the contrary, I applaud you. I hope to one day embody that "American Dream". I do not write this to criticize the inherent of "old money", as these people were lucky enough to gain some sort of wealth without working and earning it. I do, however, criticize the affluent that have no awareness of how other, less fortunate people fare when it comes to their financial needs and basic necessities. Many of these people cannot be heard due to their social status, level of education, or other restrictions that can all lead back to their economic state.
The Declaration of Independence says that "all men are created equal" and for that statement to be falsified due to someone's economic status is a failure on the part of America. America was built being heard and making it in life. The wealthy can make this a better America by being aware of their surroundings and empathizing with the less fortunate's struggles. That is how America will avoid becoming a "destroyed civilization".
Dear Bryan,
My grammar is not very good but I will try...
First, is the contraction: I've, wouldn't....
In essay, you should avoid contraction.
Second, period and comma, go inside the quotation mark.
I do agree with you because I come from a third world country.
I enjoyed reading your essay and I like how you put the converation and your opinion in your essay.
Keep it up and good luck!
I hope you get in UT and I am writing on this topic,too :)
Sincerely,
Tipp
