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"Tennis - both physical and mental game" - Commonapp activities, 150 words essay!


holmescallas 3 / 12  
Oct 31, 2010   #1
prompt : In the space provided below, elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience) MAX 150 words. (Needs reduction!)

I first started playing tennis in the New York Junior Tennis League when I was in 8th grade. I was an ESL student - an immigrant. No one wanted to talk with me, I had no friends. However, ass my tennis skills improved, I gradually made more friends and gained more respects.I felt I was gradually blending itnto the American melting pot.

As a freshmen in high school, although I had good grades, again, I had no friends. Again, it was tennis that led me to meet my first friend after a conversation about the shool tennis team. In that year, I made to the school team and played as the 3rd singles, but my nerves often led me to lose most of my games. After intense mental struggle, by my sophmore year, I was able to overcome this nerve and fear. My phisolopy about tennis and life changed. Tennis was no longer a physical game, but more - a mental game. Your mental state of well-being is what ultimately will make a difference. Tennis led me to socially blend into the society and mentally being ready for my life.

189 words....NEED REDUCTION...PLEASE HELP!!!

evanxyeung 1 / 3  
Oct 31, 2010   #2
No one wanted to talk with me and I had no friends. However, as I improved my tennis skills, I gradually made more friends and gained their respect. I felt I was gradually blending into the American melting pot.

... after a conversation about the school tennis team. T hat year, I made to the school ...
By sophomore year, after an intense mental struggle, I ...
My phisolopy about tennis and life had changed. Tennis was no longer a physical game, but more of a mental game. This sentence feels a little choppy to me. Your mental state of well-being is what will ultimately make the difference. Tennis led me to socially blend into the society and mentally prepare me for life.

This sentence feels a little choppy to me.

Note. I did not realize that you needed to reduce the amount of words when I was revising. Before you submit your essay you might want to spell check it first. I found some spelling mistakes.


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