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"Tesla?"; It was my mistake.; UVa Supp/


lulwut 5 / 26 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #1
Here it is. The word limit is 250, and I'm at around 230, so I have a bit of space to add things if you guys think it would help. Also, among other things, could someone check my comma usage? I'm not totally sure if they're correct. Thanks!

Discuss something you secretly like and pretend not to, or vice versa.

"Tesla?"

We named her Tesla, after the very elegant and orderly scientist. It was my mistake.

Allow me to explain. Last May my family adopted a puppy. I wanted to get a large dog, but, instead, she was a mix between a Chihuahua and a Dachshund, dubbed a "Chiweenie" by my sister. She is an adorable little dog who loves to bite and scratch, and is poorly trained. Occasionally, she will even leave "presents" for us to clean up. I don't know a single person who has a dog that behaves worse.

When my friends come to my house this small, evil creature will run circles around them and pester them to no end. "You have the most annoying dog I've ever seen!" they tell me, and, looking at Tesla's antics, I am forced to agree. How could I say no with her jumping on them and biting their fingers?

Later, I'll say goodbye and close the door, and immediately look down at her, and she will look back up at me. There is no way I could explain it to my friends, but I love my dog. When she's not so excited, she is the cutest thing in the world to me, but what kind of teenage guy says something like that? No; instead of honesty, I'll choose to avoid ridicule from my friends. I don't think any of them would understand it.
mr_scottyt 1 / 9 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #2
no commas necessary after "we named her tesla"; "loves to bite and scratch"; optional comma after "they tell me" i would probably take it out, some may argue it doesnt go there. delete the "and" in "close the door, and immediately" that will rid your comma mistake.

many AOs dont like contractions too...
good luck!
OP lulwut 5 / 26 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #3
Bump. Please give me some critical advice, and I'll be sure to return the favor!
OP lulwut 5 / 26 1  
Dec 31, 2012   #4
Bump. Please help!


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