Question 1 - How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some speci-city your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.
To be honest, because I have recently received permission from my parents to apply to American universities, I could not conduct deep researches on schools as I had to spend most of my time working on my weakest aspect as an applicant: my SAT scores. So I mainly depended on the emails from Universities to gather information. However, from the periodical emails, I was able to receive ample information about University of Chicago to figure out that this school is the one that I would love to attend.
Firstly, I cannot deny that my testing scores and achievements are not as great as other applicants'. However, that does not mean I am not as competent as other applicants. Because there were no extensive academic support and not many opportunities to pursue my interests, I have always studied on my own to learn about the subjects of my interest and managed to pull myself up to this level. That is why at UChicago, I will fruitfully use my first year to learn from the Core curriculum. I appreciate how the Core allows everyone to get similar sets of knowledge regardless of their previous knowledge they gained in their past education. Therefore I believe that with the similar sets of condition provided by the Core curriculum, I will fully engage myself with the high volume of work as I have always wished to do so in the past. That is why I will enjoy working with the Core to prepare fully for my economics major.
Secondly, I have spent my entire high school years in small schools with approximately ten students per grade. As a result, I have met limited number of friends and personalities in schools. I have always wanted to spend my four years in university with numerous people, so I can meet diverse people to learn their culture and perspectives, and even share my perspective of living around with them. That is why I love the House System of University of Chicago. By getting assigned to a house, I can belong in a group of sixty people whom will become my source of motivation, relaxation, and mentorship. I will enthusiastically participate in the enormous cook-off - Grillpcalypse, and team sports to relieve my stress and build friendship and bond with my house mates.
I believe I will make out the best during my four years at University of Chicago.
I agree with the previous edits.
In order to incorporate the last sentence into your conclusion and tie everything together, I think you should mention something about it being a new place, a new city, country even.
Keep in mind these things:
-college is all about changing, experiencing something new
-you might be uprooting your life to go there!
-it'll be a challenge you are willing to face
Maybe something like this to conclude:
Though the University of Chicago will undoubtedly present both an academic challenge, its numerous social offerings will make me feel at home in a new city or country or state or location . No matter what is thrown at me, I believe I will make out the best during my four years at University of Chicago maybe instead of saying University of Chicago so often, you could just say the "Windy City" since that's the nickname that Chicago is given
If you have room for your word count, I'd add two or three extra sentences to your conclusion. Instead of referencing specific programs, be more general. Add on to your last sentence. Talk about how you may be international for a sentence, things like that.
Okay, the thing is, while I understand that you only recently began to research colleges, it is not a very good idea to imply that you were drawn to a school because of its elegant website - sounds superficial to me. Also, The detail about Googling UChicago is superfluous and does not help. You can simply write you went to its website.
Also, I have a question to ask you: how many schools do not have what primarily draws you to UChicago (i.e core curriculum and housing system)? Will the adcom really feel the need to take you in if they know that you can find those things at some other school too?
Just a few thoughts... :)
That's definitely right. I'll make some changes according to that. THank you!
a chance for me - no comma needed between
16 years (back then) - don't need that, past tense already implies back then
I mean Where else can I experience them?
In all honesty, because I have recently received permission from my parents to apply to American universities, I could only replace a long research for colleges with brief website searches. However, as soon as I explored the University of Chicago's website, I knew I found my future destination.
Take the entire paragraph out. It's awkward to read and you don't want them to think you based off your decision off of a website.
Develop a passion for economics? You can't expect to DEVELOP a passion. You either build upon or pursue your passion.
Don't use transition words like 'firstly' and 'secondly.' It makes your essay mechanical.
I felt scared was petrified yet mad angered because I WAS ONLY 16 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME AND HAD ONLY SEEN A PART OF THE WORLD. I thought that life was too short to let go of the chances to experience the unique parts of our world.
