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Tetris blocks - relax sometimes to keep your mind ready. U Penn supplemental essay - engineering.


khatanbuuveibold 4 / 8 2  
Dec 28, 2016   #1
How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words)

tetris blocks



In middle school, I loved playing Tetris, but I've never been good at it. Every time I started a new game, the blocks would pile up to the top of the screen in what seemed like no time at all. It frustrated me to no end, but I wasn't going to back down. I was a novice at programming then, but Tetris consumed my life. I grabbed a Java book, and started making a Tetris AI from scratch. Although the project took ten long months, and thousands of lines of code, I was entirely satisfied when I ran the finished program, and the simulation lasted for an entire 2 hours before it was game over. I had solved what seemed like a huge problem to me at that time.

Another problem that constantly annoys me is how my glasses get all foggy whenever walk into a building in winter time. No matter how happy I am, something as minor as condensation on my glasses is enough to tip me off. The first few times this happened, I thought of a theoretical solution - installing a mini air circulation system on the frame, but soon scrapped it, realizing a chemical that somehow separates water condensation and the lenses would be less intrusive, and way better looking.

Just like these examples, my mind is constantly overflowing with creative and complex approaches to everyday problems. Finding the most efficient solution to a problem is the fundamental idea of engineering, but I hadn't truly found a solution to a serious issue before participating in the TIA(Technology in Action) Camp 2015, held at Stanford University, CA. I combined my theoretical knowledge of physics, and computer programming experience to create a robot that roams around, detecting and disposing of trash. It used ultrasonic imaging to stop at a fixed distance from a piece of trash, picked it up using a two-joint arm, and dropped it into its back cabinet, which doubles as a trash can. This was an intersection of mechanical, electrical, and computer engineering, and the process of designing, constructing, and programming the robot was one of the most gratifying experiences I have ever had. Test running the robot successfully for the first time was like seeing your baby walk(I imagine it's the same kind of feeling).

Being a part of TIA 2015 resonated in me a strong desire to invent and create. After college, I will pursue a career in engineering, and eventually found a startup company based on an innovative idea. Even though being a student at a prestigious university such as U Penn is more than enough to jumpstart that career, I am certain U Penn is also a personal fit for me. The incredibly flexible curriculum allows me time to learn about myself, and recognize which field of engineering I am most effective, and comfortable with immersing myself in, since I don't have to settle on a specific engineering major before sophomore year. Even after choosing a major, I can still indulge myself in the form of interesting departmental engineering programs such as CIS 160, or even complete a minor in Engineering Entrepreneurship (EENT), which will help me acquire the business and leadership skills necessary for a business venture.

Last but not least, I know that life at U Penn suits me greatly. This summer, I had the pleasure of attending the Mongolian Young Scholars Program (MYSP), where I took an astronomy course from a Mongolian student at U Penn. She told us all about her school, but I was pleasantly surprised when she said that "U Penn students know when to work hard, and when to have fun.". At that moment, I knew that the University of Pennsylvania is the right choice for me, because I believe that you just need to relax sometimes to keep your mind ready for the next day of lectures and assignments.
chizy7 6 / 52 14  
Dec 28, 2016   #2
Hi, first of all make this quick correction( UPENN and not U PENN )

Try to make your essay to seem more personal and specific to PENN.
Dec 28, 2016   #3
maybe bettef if you reduce your contraction ^^like I've etc
scgoalie00 3 / 2 1  
Dec 29, 2016   #4
@khatanbuuveibold

Another problem that constantly annoys me is how my glasses get all foggy whenever I walk into a building in winter time.

The "I" between whenever and walk is missing. That's just a missing word, but other than that, I'd expand more on UPenn and how you actually attended a program there. Maybe combining your intro paragraphs about problems you've solved (which, don't get me wrong, are important and impressive to keep) would give you space to talk about Penn more.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4771  
Dec 29, 2016   #5
Khatanbuuvei, your narrative is really long but does not offer any solid idea as to how UPenn became the the school where you will best pursue your academic and other intellectual interests. You have decided to introduce the reviewer to your background instead of actually connecting your interests with the way that UPenn will be able to help you cultivate and grow those interests. You only talk about UPenn towards the end of the essay and still, you did not manage to respond to the prompt correctly. All you have to do is look at the academic offerings of the university, how they present the methods by which you can learn and how you can pursue other academic interests through their clubs, organizations, specific classes, and other methods. This current essay is not focused on UPenn and the requirements of the prompt. So you would do best to develop a new essay that will reflect your familiarity with the university, which is the whole point of the essay.


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