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Texas A&M. There are many reasons as to why I chose specifically to apply to this major

Sep 12, 2017   #1

Texas A&M--Statement of Purpose

--Is this a good start to my essay?

I have recently gone to my local student center for help but I feel like the teacher didn't help with her proofreading. I went with to my English instructor but was out so I will post here.

This is the Essay topic A: The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application.

This is what I have so far. I just think this is not the way to get the admissions hooked on my essay:
Any help is appreciated :)

There are many reasons as to why I chose specifically to apply to this major. I am unquestionably fascinated by insects. A number of different species of insects found on planet earth are vastly immense. I find insects to leave me in awe since they prove to be the most abundant animals on earth that dominate over terrestrial animals. Insects have lived longer than any other animal and demonstrate to be located in any environment. Major extinctions have happened over time which had different outcomes for various faunas. Even though extinctions happened over hundreds of millions of years ago, insect's morphology has stayed intact proving them to be well adapted to change. This gives me a better way of understanding how Earth coped with biological evolution and diversity. With the studying, creating and publishing research on different insects, the use of other biological sciences, in some ways, would require the usage of entomology. For example, how the use of pesticides on insect would have a long-term impact on food chains and the ecology. This will further assist and provide future colleagues and myself support in learning about the different benefits and detriments that they have on different environments.
Holt [Contributor] 1543  
Sep 13, 2017   #2
Raul, just as with any statement of purpose, you need to explain why you feel like you need to study this particular course at this point in time. An incoming freshman whose family is involved botanical growth or farming would have an interest in this field. Your essay explains the general terms by which you developed an interest but that does not take the place of the "purpose" of the study. What are your career goals? Where do you hope this line of study will lead you in the future? What are your professional goals? Have you prepared beforehand for this field of study in college? For instance, did you win any awards for your amateur research in a related field? The extenuating circumstances have to be some sort of point of view, purpose, or accomplishment that you were not allowed to discuss in the other common app prompts. There is no mention of those sorts of information in this essay. So this is not the essay to go with. It has no information that will impress the reviewer or create an extra ordinary image of you as a potential freshman at the university.

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