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Texas A&M Topic A College Application Essay - How my family and responsibilities have impacted me

danacschubert 1 / 2 2  
Oct 6, 2018   #1

the confidence to pursue my dreams

Born and raised in Tomball, Texas, I was fortunate to experience both sides of urban city living and the rural countryside. Northwest of Houston, Tomball had a "small town" feel not due to its modest population, but more so its close knit community. Living near Houston, the occasional trip downtown exposed me to the hustle and bustle of city life, however my heart lay with my home centered on several acres of land in a remote subdivision.

Ever since I was young, I was infatuated with animals, which would most likely be a result of my mother's influence. My mother grew up with horses and when I was ten years old, enrolled me in horseback riding lessons, and I was immediately hooked. After a few years of being carted around by my parents to our local barn, my family moved from our suburban neighborhood into a house with a few acres of land to pursue this passion. We added a couple horses to our family and adopted a cat and dog along the way as well. Working with animals required a great deal of responsibility on my part. Making sure all animals were fed, happy, and healthy was a daily task that I was expected to perform, even on the days I did not feel up to it. Caring for animals gave me a sense of purpose and made sure I always had something to do after school and on the weekends.

From moving to acreage to follow my dream of owning horses, to supporting any challenge I faced, my family had always been my biggest support group. Being the youngest of three, my brothers always had a profound influence on me. In particular, my oldest brother, Matthew. In our youth, Matthew and myself fought frequently like siblings do. Throughout high school, Matthew struggled with school and did not value its importance as much as he probably should have. He struggled to find a college that he wanted to attend. After graduating high school, he took a year off from college to work and to figure out what he wanted to do in life. After this year, he attended a local community college for two years and then transferred to Texas A&M - Commerce, to pursue engineering. It took him several years to get on a path that he would be proud of, but he was able to learn from his mistakes to get where he wanted to be, and for that I look up to him. Our current relationship is one that is cordial and secure, where we enjoy spending time together. Observing his life experiences taught me to have a plan, focus on my education, and work diligently to pursue that plan. Matthew is now one of the most influential role models in my life.

Being raised in a family that was always supportive in whatever I endeavored to do, gave me the confidence to pursue my dreams. I have been surrounded by people who have acted as fantastic role models and given me something to strive to be. School programs such as band, and other clubs and organizations, as well as the support of my family, have given me countless opportunities that have helped me grow into the person I am today. My family and community allowed me to grow into a caring and responsible person, for which I am eternally grateful.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Oct 7, 2018   #2
This is a solid essay that responds to the prompt in a highly informative and imaginative way. I can almost see the events in my mind as you described them. The essay has a clear hook, a strong reference to family support and sibling rivalry that resulted in a defining moment for you as a person entering young adulthood. This is a narrative that introduces you in a clear way to the reviewer.

Your family background acting as the cornerstone of your essay and depicts how you have managed to develop a personality that is different and still the same as your family members. You did a very good job on this essay. While there are a few sentence problems that exist, mostly in reference to the timeline of events and your reference to your relationship with your brother, those are negligible and do not affect the message of your story.

All you have to do at this point is do some simple editing to perfect the grammar and it will be perfect for the intention you wrote it for. I wish you the best of luck with your application.

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