Hey! There is my short answer to the common app' short essay question. Could you proof read/edit it please??
Thanks a lot!!
"Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences" (150 words or fewer)
I discovered Molière and Marivaux in grade 9. My French classes and the plays we were reading persuaded me to get closer to the world of stage. In grade 10, with a troupe of adult amateur actors, I played a homeless man, a rebellious adolescent, a simple-minded child, and a caring grand-daughter. Interpreting the words of these characters and stuffing them with a psychology and a behavior, was more than socially instructive and self-revealing. It encouraged me to a better observational understanding of people that increased my complacency toward others, and awoke a curiosity for human psychology. It was my first time acting in front of an audience made up of strangers, and I tasted my first stage-addictive rush. Since then, I tried to share this experience of first-time-acting feeling, but regrettably, dealing inexperienced with self-expression is more difficult than I imagined, and I am still working on this project.
'in grade 9'-in the 9th grade -->I think it is better this way
'in grade 10'-in the 10th grade
a better observational understanding of people--->it may be correct but sounds kind of strange to me.try to replace it.
It was my first time acting in front of an audience made up of strangers, and I tasted my first stage-addictive rush.-It was on my first time acting in front of an audience made up of strangers when I tasted my first stage-addictive rush.
I think the rest is fine. Good luck with your application.
stuffing them with a psychology and a behavior->ascribing a psychology and behavior to them
that increased my complacency toward others->i think complacency is a negative word?
first-time-acting feeling->the word is fine, but I would prefer a more professionally sounded word
The rest is rly good:)
"Complacency" is indeed a negative word. You might want to choose "compassion," or maybe "tolerance."
Thanks a lot guys!!
very nice
It encouraged me to a better observational understanding of people that increased my complacency toward others, and awoke a curiosity for human psychology.
I'd take the comma out of this though.
