Hello! I'm currently working on several supplement essays at the moment for UVA and William & Mary. I finished this one today and I would really appreciate some feedback. This essay was originally a speech I delivered to my drama department (we have a tradition in which each senior gives a speech to the underclassmen about their experiences in theater). Thanks for your help!
William and Mary supplement: Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful? We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude, but please restrict your submission to what will fit on one sheet of paper.
When I was in the 5th grade, I had a terrible and evil teacher whose name was - ironically enough - Mrs. Goodheart. Mrs. Goodheart had a system of organizing her students by assigning them numbers. Like prisoners. The class had to line up according to number and we had to write our respective number in the upper-right hand corner on all of our class work. I, having a last name at the end of the alphabet, was number 29. I was always called last for attendance, I always had to turn in my worksheets last, and, worst of all, I was last in the class line. I hated this. Being the rebellious person I am, I began to retaliate by writing out the word "twenty-nine" on my homework. Mrs. Goodheart punished me by taking away my recess time and making me stay inside to correctly number by worksheets. I sat at my desk, fuming that injustice of elementary school, and did what I was told. Mrs. Goodheart sat down next to me and said, "There will be a time in your life when you can do whatever you want, but right now you must do what I tell you to do. When you go on to middle school and high school, many doors will open to you and then you can decide for yourself what you want to do." And in that moment I had this weird epiphany - I want to do drama. I still have no idea where that came from.
The first show I ever auditioned for was Footloose, the fall musical at my high school my freshman year. I felt highly qualified to be in the show because I had taken two years of drama class in middle school and the song I performed in a my middle school's musical revue was "Footloose". It was the worst audition of my life. I remember being in the dance audition. I did not know the combination well enough so I followed the guy who was in front of me. During the freestyle portion of the song, I was so focused on mimicking him I did exactly what he was doing, including great leaps and pirouettes, which I then poorly executed like a stupid freshman with no dance experience. It turned out the guy I copied was the school's senior heartthrob who later earned the leading role. Only three freshmen auditioned for Footloose. One girl made it in, the other never auditioned again, and I was still mad at myself for being an idiot and copying the dance moves of a senior idol. I auditioned again for the spring play, a mystery comedy titled Wedding From Hell, and didn't make it. My sophomore year, I was so shocked to see my name on the cast list for Seussical the Musical I had to check the callboard twice to make sure I wasn't imagining things. I have been in every show at my high school since and even some outside of school.
If someone had told me my freshman year that when I became a senior I would have leading roles in musicals, be the secretary of the drama club, and be a member of the Select Vocal choir I probably would have said, "Well duh. All this hard work I'm doing now better pay off somehow." It's taken me years of enduring high school to learn that everyone starts out like the dumb, cocky freshman who stalks the drama department. No one is born talented. They must work for it. The girl in the ensemble can later become the star. Trust me, I know.
I LOL'ED at the first paragraph. very quirky and cute. but the epiphany is too sudden. did it really happen that way? if so...is there a smoother transition? if not...well....smoother transition? haha
i like the second para as well. can you elaborate on some of the outside shows? particularly the one you like the most.
If someone had told me my freshman year that when I became a senior I would have leading roles in musicals, be the secretary of the drama club, and be a member of the Select Vocal choir I probably would have said, "Well duh. All this hard work I'm doing now better pay off somehow."
wording is kinda weird.... If someone had told me during my freshman year that when I BECOME a senior I would have ...etc,etc,etc...
but i dont like this...arrogance is nothing to brag about and all the great humor in your first part of the essay seems to just go to waste because of your negative ending. I thought you were fun and awesome until I read your conclusion. now it gives me the impression that I wouldn't want to be your friend...
