Since I entered high school,I have been overwhelmed by lots of pressure coming from my studies and peer.In pursuit of excellence,sometimes "jealousy" is the most vicious and enormous power that I'm extremely afraid of.Jealousy occupies my mind when I see my classmates performing better than me on studies or the tasks.I concern about how others can be so prominent and how inadequate I am.These feelings haunt my head and as a result make myself less confident.
For the reason that I perceive that "jealousy" gets me weaker,I try to fixate on myself instead of observing how others perform.I find this way efficient,as I'm able to accomplish my own task without considering others.Therefore,there are more spare time for me to elevate my ability and erect my self-esteem.Gradually,it becomes easier for me to confront those "jealous" thoughts because I'm always endeavor to trust in myself.By establishing confidence and self-esteem,I transform the evil "jealousy" into the "awareness" of my own mind.
Chien, aside from the need for some grammar editing, your essay is unique in response and approach. Jealousy isn't something that most students would use to explain themselves in relation to the given prompt. That is why your presentation is interesting to read. However, I feel that the approach to the presentation is too cut and dried, meaning, it is so direct to the point that the essay becomes less interesting to read as the explanation progresses. So you need to keep the reader interested in reading your material.
If the prompt word count permits, I suggest that you spice the presentation up with some personal example of a given situation where you can depict how you typically deal with jealousy in your academic life. By presenting an actual scenario, the essay gains an interesting narrative form that could even help the reviewer gain a deeper insight as to how jealousy becomes a strengthening factor in your life.
Try to show, rather constantly explain to the reviewer what you mean so that the essay will become more memorable to him and help him consider your application on a deeper basis. Now if there is a maximum word count, then consider revising the essay to include an anecdote in the second paragraph while keeping the description in the first paragraph instead.
Keeping the reviewer interested in what you have to say is of vital importance to your application consideration. That is best done by inserting a story whenever possible in the essay.