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'No such thing as the Postal Service' - NYU Supplement- What intrigues you?

ibeckki 4 / 10  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Prompt: What intrigues you?
Okay, be honest. Is this dumb? Everyone seems to be writing about a song, a city, or a book, and I wanted mine to be different. Also, this is 717 characters when the max is 1500. Is it too short?

Right now you are holding a piece of paper, a document composed of wood and other fibrous substances, lightly saturated with dye-based ink and pigments- 100% tangible. In less than three days, this flat cluster of atoms you are holding could be in the palm of another being, sitting at his office in Seattle, Washington, nearly three thousand miles away...for a cost of just 44 cents. Have you ever criticized the price of postage stamps? Well imagine this: there is no such thing as the US Postal Service, no such thing as mail. Go ahead; try hand delivering that letter. Yes, it will still make its journey to that same Seattle office, but don't be surprised if it costs you thousands of dollars to get it there.
maryp630 7 / 20  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
I like it but I was left confused at the end. What are you trying to say? What exactly intrigues you the post or paper? With all of the characters you have left, I would say to answer these questions and make it as specific as possible. Hope this helps.
ahstop 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2011   #3
I agree with the comment above. Be clear as to what intrigues you. You have a a lot of characters left, so use them!
The topic you chose is very original so that is definitely a bonus!
Jaineel406 5 / 13  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
I liked the intro and everything but since you have a lot of characters left just expand on your idea because it's unclear what you're talking about and the transition into the 1000 dollar scenario isn't as clear as you'd like it to be so work on it lol
carochoi 3 / 22  
Dec 29, 2011   #5
I have to agree with everyone else here. NYU allows for 1500 characters, so use them! I'm sort of lost as how this is significant to you. You should try to input some personality into this essay, as you have so much space to do so.
paw1168 3 / 7  
Dec 29, 2011   #6
Like everyone else, I'm not sure what you are intrigued by.
You shouldn't worry about being unique. If you say what you want, it will be unique.
I think this idea is great just continue writing and you will have a great essay.
aerielm 6 / 14  
Dec 30, 2011   #7
Yeah, everyone pretty much hit it all. Definitely ELABORATE, use every word available to your advantage. Its a great start, but trust me, detail detail detail, will take you places. Good luck!
OP ibeckki 4 / 10  
Dec 30, 2011   #8
Can I have some feedback on my revision please? It's two posts above ^^
edwkoc 4 / 12  
Dec 31, 2011   #9
I think the revision makes the image you are trying to draw for us clear and I felt like in your new paragraph you were going to go into how the postal service intrigues you. If that isn't what I should be thinking you should definitely change it. haha but also you have a lot more room to expand so I don't think we can give a proper critique of this unless you expand and focus it to what intrigues YOU. You paint a great picture, but what does it mean to YOU. I wrote this supplement as well (check it out in my posts) and although everyone who answers this post may be talking about generic things, the story they tell that relates to those things are all completely different. That what makes supplements interesting to read. You have to make it personal.

Good illustration though!

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