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Things that caught my interests in Purdue - in one hundred words or less


omostic21 1 / 1  
Oct 22, 2019   #1
Please I'm having problems with writing my essay for purdue but I've come up with this draft, I don't know if its good enough

How will opportunities at Purdue support your interests, both in and out of the classroom?


(Respond in 100 words or fewer.)

The things that caught my interests in purdue are the academic diversity, the general environment and the high respect of its degrees.
The academic diversity will expose me to diverse people and perspectives in and out of the classroom. Learning communities like the Engineering Projects in Community Service (EPICS) will help further my interests, knowledge, and innovation.

Social groups like the African Students' Association (ASA) will help me establish meaningful relationships and connections with other students.
Purdue degrees are respected by employers and other universities around the world. Having a degree from such a reputable institution will be fulfilling.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,062 374  
Oct 24, 2019   #2
@omostic21
Hello! Welcome to the forum. I'm going to give you feedback on this writing. Please don't hesitate to continuously reach out to us for more details!

Firstly, while I appreciate the first paragraph, you definitely could have gotten away with producing more persuasive content. Remember that it is part of your goals to increase the overall appeal of your written work. If we take a look at, for instance, the first paragraph, you could have opted for a more creative introduction rather than jumping into the idea of academic diversity. While what you have now is alright, there's still a lot more that you can put into the writing.

Furthermore, the ending of the essay appears to still lack that sense of conclusiveness. Try to tie everything altogether in a more encompassing manner instead of just mentioning how these degrees are fulfilling. Try to, for example, give a prospective analysis on what you can contribute to the entire thing. This will be much better in the long-run.
Tuguldurgnrdn 1 / 4 1  
Oct 24, 2019   #3
Your essay doesn't really sound like you're interested in Purdue. This essay could be sent to pretty much any college and still be true. I would suggest you to do more research and write specific things about Purdue.
OP omostic21 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2019   #4
@Tuguldurgnrdn @Maria
Thank you very much, I'll correct and get back to you guys


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